A LITTLE TSC: the minutiae and macrobollocks of Barclays and Boris


Today’s testimony from Marcus Agius – leader of the Eastern Legions of the Impiratum Barcuntica, in alliance with Icapus & Iswapum of the Liborian Guard, protector of Toriam Cameronicus, and Defender of Bankus Mythicoratum in the protectorate of Bollockius – was at times hilarious, whereas yesterday’s Tucker Treat was simply unbelievable. But the terrible truth emerging yet again from all this is just how off the money the FSA was.

The regulator beginning with F allegedly gave Bentlays Barclays a clean bill of health when it came to corporate governance over the years – whereas in other news today, Transparency International voted Diamond Bob’s Barking *ankers bottom of the bottom league (financial services) with a score of 4/10 on honesty. Bob himself insisted last week that the FSA/Barclays relationship had been tophole, but Centurion Marcus accepted that he had received a communication in later times from the regulator suggesting that Diamond was a lying arsehole the discourse was in grave need of repair. However, he did not accept this.

“We try to seek the best regulatory outcome with our regulators,” said the Malteser, “I don’t accept that we had a desperate relationship with the FSA. Strained would be fine. They said to us: ‘When we deal with you, you try too hard. You are testing the goodwill of our staff’.”

Now I’ve heard it all.

Earlier in the week, London Mayor Bollicks Johnson wrote a quite disgraceful Telegraph piece more or less suggesting that we should stop bashing any bankers prepared to bankroll his On Yer Bike campaign. This particular extract is a gem:

‘It is time for British politicians to say it loud and clear and in unison: we need bankers, my friends! We need bankers who are not just cautious, owlish Polonius figures. We need bankers who are willing to take punts and put their necks on the line.’

What a complete load of old tosh in the light of the last few years. What utter drivel from the man who aspires to be Prime Minister of this country to roughly the same degree that Winnie Mandela would love to be Queen of South Africa. How carefully we should interrogate the behaviour, career and attitudes of this man who – along with Harriet Harman – The Slog fingered as the greatest threat to British liberal democracy many moons ago. He is a bully, a hooligan, a bouncer, a bruising defender of Etonian jailbirds, and a thoroughly bad egg. Do not be hoodwinked by his ‘buffoon’ act: this soi-disant clown is a danger to us all.