VW DIESELBOLLOCKS EXCLUSIVE: Schauble tells media, “It’s all Greek Double-Dutch to me”

drivelbloke1Dutch global bailin template manufacturer Jeroan V. W. Dieselbollocks has been caught red-handed by US authorities deceiving the entire world about its emissions of bigfatfib pollutant in relation to Greek debt. By mid morning today, 7.3 million unsound bites had been recalled, withdrawn and then erased regarding template launches in Cyprus and Greece, while 4 million models in Italy, Spain and France have come forward to accuse Dieselbollocks Fiscal Fallacies GmBh of rape involving fiscal phalluses being rammed down their throats.

wolfspy1515ptnetSpeaking from Berlin, Oberstürmbannreichsgauleiterfiskaluniongeheimeführer Wolfpack Schnebel told reporters from Der Völkische Beobachter, “I do not recall ever working with this company, which I am told was a minor supplier to my Eurogruppenschutzstäffel and so this is nothing to do with me, although if I were you I’d talk to Frau Merkel, she might know something”.

This afternoon, founder Jeroan V. W. Dieselbollocks issued a statement saying “I personally am deeply sorry that we have been caught breaking the trust of our customers and the public, but I wish only to point out that no submarines disappeared on my watch – and I am keen to reassure all EU citizens that this sort of grubby tabloid witch hunt will never be allowed to happen again.”

MaartenVerwey21915King Maarten I of Greece was unavailable for comment, owing to a subsequent engagement in the excavation of a large bunker for the storage of all information about his secret life as cross-dressing call-girl Vermey La Porte.

Earlier at The Slog: Attempts to disable The Slog