Those of you who are on Twitter may have spotted that, for some time now, I have been writing a column here called The Twattering Classes. I too was on Twitter until last night, but then I decided to commit Twittercide. So I am not on Twitter any more.

In reality, I will of course find another identity there and keep on annoying the buggers at regular intervals. But in the meantime, this is The Sun version of what happened.

After the last Twattering Classes post, I discovered the following day that (despite putting on 63 new Slog followers here, on Twitter itself I had lost 34. So I went to Twitter Support (they should rename it Subsidence) and asked if they could give me an answer. I kept getting a panel that read ‘I’m sorry, we don’t understand what you mean, please use one of the options below’. None of the options bore even a remote relevance to my problem, so I wrote something different, this time sticking to single-syllable words for the hard of comprehension. They still didn’t understand.

So this morning, I redesigned my Twitter profile masthead as follows:

This was clearly too much for the pinched goblins, and so I have been locked out and will not be reinstated until I’ve sent a State ID, my inside leg measurement, and clearly stated the political affiliation of the two squirrels who share Sloggers’ Roost with me. Obviously, I won’t be doing any of that.

It isn’t going to make a jot of difference to The Slog’s following, whose “churn” rate is under 4% and continues to grow net at about 21% net per annum. What it will do is save me a lot of time persuading Remainiacs, Corbynistas, anti 2020/Waspi trolls, Russophobes (and all the other Twattering Classes) to get an empiricism implant.

This additional time will be devoted to several things I was in England discussing last week, DIY around the house, drinking, and exploring new ways of spreading the Gospel According to St Slog without having to ask for permission to speak to Sir.

I would consider it an honour and an enormous favour if you could use the link to this post as widely as possible on Twitter over the next 24 hours.

As the account was locked shortly after posting an important piece here last night, you can read that post here.

Finally, I’d like once again to thank all the Sloggers – from the 7,219 who visit most days via the 30,000 who pop in at least once a month to all the 2.6 million who’ve landed here over the last eight years – for their support, and reassure everyone that I am not going away anywhere soon.

Enjoy the rest of the day.

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