The new Liberal Democrat slogan is a gift to satirists everywhere.

Vote New Labour if you want a Fairer Britain.

Vote Conservative if you want Change.

Vote Liberal Democrat if you want to change to a fairer Britain.

It’s another Third Way…or a hasty bit of paste-montage, depending on your allegiance. If you’re a Marxist dialectitian, it’s a synthesis. But whoever you are, the new Libdem tagline is an almighty yawn that will reinforce the feeling too many UK voters have already: the Party is a sort of wishy-washy version halfway between the other two.

This isn’t fair, because the Liberal Democrats are nothing of the kind. Rather, they are a tight force in the Commons, currently spending most of its time winding up everyone else about Nick Clegg’s demands in the event of a hung Parliament.

The problem is that the Libdem grassroots are committed to a policy of yelling “We are all individuals!” a la Python, albeit in a mildly socialist way. They are also (almost to the last soldier) policy wonks dedicated to nuance, and the phrase “And I suppose you want to be in charge?” in an accusatory manner every time anyone suggests drastic action.

Anyway, the slogan is a stinker. But it may well be a guiding light for some of the smaller Parties who haven’t yet come up with their own inspiring phrases….

The BNP: ‘Deportation that works for you: building a whiter Britain’.

The Greens: ‘Global warming don’t work for us: building a windy Britain’.

UKIP: ‘Spanners in the works for them: building a lonely Britain’.

Actually, I’m just hacked off they didn’t buy my suggestion:

‘Tempus deficit, Labor omnia vincit’ – ‘Only Cable can conquer Labour’s deficit’.*

*It really means ‘When time is short, hard work conquers all’. Which is almost as apposite.