There is agreement to help Greece, but little sign of any agreement about how to help Greece. On this basis, Greeks probably need to beware freaks bearing gifts.

For reasons best known to themselves, global credit agencies and currency traders seem to be relaxed following Monday’s EU meeting to discuss what is effectively a member-state insolvency – Greece.

Call me old-fashioned, but all I can discern out of this so far is an accord to mobilise financial aid for Greece if needed, and a vague promise that such aid would be quick to arrive.

The underlying assumption about a lack of clear and present need for aid seems flawed to me, but I’m not an expert in such matters. And there is an even less structured viewpoint on how the standby plan for debt-racked Greece might work.

“The mechanism will not include loan guarantees,” said Holland’s Mr Juncker mysteriously. Instead, he suggested, there would be “coordinated European action, which will make bilateral aid available for Greece.”

If you know what non-guaranteed bilaterally coordinated aid action is, do feel free to drop me a line. The baseline beyond which I need help here is any indication of the amount of aid, or how much each Eurozone member State would chip in. Other information thus far eluding me includes the interest rate, repayment period, and what Greece might have to do to gain access to any of the wonga on offer.

France’s Christine Lagarde assured the markets that, “It could be acted upon very quickly by the heads of government.” She just didn’t explain what ‘it’ was, or who those heads of Government called upon to act with a degree of urgency might be.

European ministers were at pains to point out that their plan (and yes, they are calling it a plan) would not contradict European and national rules – and above all, didn’t represent an actual bailout of a Eurozone country.

So to sum up, there is an outline sketched ballpark agreement about how a loan of indeterminate length and cost involving Eurozone members to variously unquantified degrees might be forthcoming if the Greeks carry on saying they don’t really need any help at all in the first place.

I fear for the sanity of those who find any single part of this reassuring.