Deripaska….the Russian who put the Man in Mandelson?

Go the the EU trade site, and you will spot that the Ministry of Truth has airbrushed Lord Peter Mandelson out of history.

The EU trade commission is a doozie of a site for anyone suspicious about the aims of the European Union: no search engine, and it hasn’t been updated for three weeks. It has one graph on it, showing climbing export sales in order to give the impression of economic wellbeing: except that the scale starts at -35%, and never actually gets to zero. No doubt this means they can use it to send out press releases about ‘things turning positive’.

Somewhere in the bowels of this, one of the world’s biggest quangos, there is probably a bloke called Winston Smith. His skill is digitally reconfiguring photographs in order to show that bigwigs either were or weren’t where the terrorist anti-EU criminals say they were.

Thus, there is no way on the site at all to find out anything about Peter Mandelson’s time at the Commission. So one is left to look elsewhere for any vile bodies hidden in the cellar.

Here’s something the former Rough Trade Commission said in 2008 on the subject of Sovereign Wealth Funds (SWFs):

‘Anxiety has been expressed in relation to hedge funds and private equity funds. These have responded by providing reassurance in the form of a voluntary code of conduct. SWFs can learn from this…’

What, learn how to bend markets, ruin countries and bankrupt Lehman you mean, Peter? Waydergo!

Max Haystacks had another go at Lord M last week, written as ever in his pacy, army-action style. It went

‘Even when Peter Mandelson was driven from ministerial office, Blair sent him to Brussels as an EU Commissioner – where he became the intimate of Russian oligarchs, and anyone else rich enough to show him a good time…’

Oooo, bitch! But Maximus the Impaler has a point. Take note of this – a rather weasely press release from the Lord of the Lies once he’d been caught in fragrante with Oleg Deripaska:

“During the weekend when I moved from Brussels to London, and prior to me being admitted to hospital for an urgent medical procedure, a statement was released to the press which said I had had meetings with Mr Deripaska in 2006 and 2007. Some people formed the reasonable view, therefore, that my first meeting with him was in 2006. This is not the case: To the best of my recollection we first met in 2004 and I met him several times subsequently.”

Well, I suppose people quite reasonably did wonder if there might be some funny business going on – what with Deripaska’s aluminium company doing so well out of reduced trade tariffs when Peter was, you know, the EU Trade Commissar. So here’s an update to keep Peter in touch with how his allegedly estranged chum is doing – this from his favourite Pink paper yesterday:

‘Oleg Deripaska, chief executive of UC Rusal, will pocket bonus shares worth more than US$60m for his role in preparing the company’s Hong Kong and Paris listings in January. The bonus size, which amounts to 8.5% of the Russian aluminium producer’s net profit last year, comes as executive pay is under closer scrutiny in the wake of the global financial crisis. ‘

Well, Mandelson always said he was “very relaxed in company of the filthy rich.” And as Frankie Goes to Hollywood used to sing, ‘Relax, don’t do it’ – if you don’t want to undergo an emergency surgical procedure.