If you laid every revitalised voter end to end, then let’s be clear about this – hand on heart – it looks like it wouldn’t make any difference at all. In the marginals, the LibDems have more than doubled their voting intentions, but the gap between Labour and Tories has changed by just under 1%. Thus, Vince and Nick can do whatever it takes to make this election wide open, all they’re doing is changing a two-way draw into a three-way draw.

After last night’s debate, not only are most voters (I would imagine) completely confused about who stands for what and why, they’re also gradually waking up to the fact that when it comes to sleaze, the Liberal Democrats’ only point of difference is that 70 MPs can’t get up to as much mischief as 180. Tonight on Jon Sopel’s Campaign Show, Vince Cable was gasping on the ropes about questions relating to his Party’s £2.5 million donation from a convicted fraudster. This morning, the Daily Mail at last latched onto something substantive about Cleggotrough, pointing out that travelling BMI by air and then claiming full business fare from a premium airline is not entirely honest. More accurately, it’s falsification of a tax invoice – an offence that would land you and I in jail.

But that’s OK, because Paddy Ashdown says Nick is Cinderella. At least, we must surmise so – because Patrick told us three times last night (after the TV debate) that the other big Parties are the Two Ugly Sisters. These two unprepossessing girls tell us they are as chalk and cheese, but David Cameron’s Big Society is surely going to need the kind of Big Government of which the Prime Minister is so enamoured. It all adds massively to widespread mistaken identity.

This is, however, as nothing compared to the pure maths required to work out what the popular-vote opinion polls mean in a First past the Post electoral system. On seeing new results from market research each day, I feel increasingly of a mind to ask, “And your point is?” The point is, nobody knows what any of the numbers mean any more. In the BBC studios there is only a swingometer, whereas it seems to me that what we need is a roulette wheel.

If the Tories feel the effects of a LibDem surge in the West Country, and the Libdems are backwashed by SNP tactical voting in Scotland, will this be equal to Labour losses in the West Midlands and a UKIP uprising in Berkshire? Or will the nation’s Independents attract enough votes to cause nervous breakdowns among Britain’s returning officers struggling to work out the effect of disaffected Labour voters in Respect constituencies?

Tackling David Cameron tonight, Jeremy Paxman asked whether The Big Society meant anything to voters compared to what he called The Big Problem. Dave didn’t offer any answer to that. In fact, Dave didn’t give an answer about anything. Taxes, the deficit, the economy, spending cuts, B&Bs, coalitions and the EU: Paxo went right through the field, and the Tory leader dodged everything from VAT to efficiency savings. In fact by the end of the interview, the voters were (for a change) left in no doubt at all about Cameron’s commitment to leaving his options open.

Truth be told, I’m not even sure I know what any of the issues are any more. I seem to recall that in a future fair for all, fairness may well work for me in the Big Society. And if I’m not mistaken, the fragile Icelandic volcano has shown us all once and for all that personal responsibility, job security, economic growth, gay rights and not mentioning proportional representation could blow this whole election wide open.

But I could be wrong.