I’m happy to see a nice long and sunny summer, but barbecues are not my thing. There are lots of reasons for this.

Most cookers of barbecued meals are blokes. In my experience, they think that serving up rock-hard chicken covered in charcoal and barbecue sauce is a marvellous culinary delivery. This and desert-dry sausages is usually the sum total of protein on offer.

Women produce tasty salads and properly baked potatoes as the accompaniment to such immolated meat, and without them such al fresco meals would be about as appealing as burnt cattle after a BSE outbreak.

The other thing we have to remember about British barbecues is that quite often, the chefs are anything from half-cut to completely pissed. The effect of alcohol on barbie-blokes is generally to convince them that they and they alone know the secret of how to cook tender, melting meat at exactly the right temperature. This often means that guests may well wait hours for the food (Mein Host having forgotten how long it takes for charcoal to heat up) and then have to smile approvingly as black steaks are served up as medium-rare perfection.

My younger daughter’s previous boyfriend is the only bloke I’ve ever met who knew when coals were ready, chicken breasts were cooked, and how sauces should be prepared to ensure that the meat is moist – as opposed to merely a medium for sickly-sweet leftovers from the ice-cream topping.

As the years have passed, Jan and I have dumped open barbecue grills in favour of kettles that can cook whole sides of lamb slowly – or oak-smoke whole chickens. The beauty of kettles is that they can be set scientifically – and then left to do their own thing – free from the attentions of wannabe spit-roasters.

So while I’m very happy to bake under nice weather and savour the smell of other people’s barbecues, my own preference is for potato salad, lettuce, tomatoes and cold meats in Summer. These require only a bit of boiling, and the opening of packs from the fridge: a process that is far more enjoyable and tasty than anything tossed carelessly onto the fires of Hell.