Dominic Lawson’s think-piece in today’s Sunday Times is an attempt to tell the Daily Telegraph off for opening the Pandora’s box of MPs expenses. He is as near as you’ll get in Britain to a Trough Denier, and in support of this position, Dominic writes that the revelations

Umm. I’d say that about sums it up. Given that 364 MPs were caught, that doesn’t mean the others weren’t up to other stuff as well. The Slog did indeed point out earlier this year that the entirely criminal practice of funnelling expense cheating into Party coffers was never investigated, despite the obviously widespread existence of it. All three Party leaders had to repay expenses, as did most of the Cabinet. Sounds like a barrel full of rotten fruit to me.

But Mr Lawson is determined to seek justice for those he sees as wrongly accused – pointing out that the duck house claim was turned down. I mean, he asks, the MP never got the money…so where’s the harm in that? If Dom can’t entirely fathom the ethics conundrum re that one, we shouldn’t chastise him too harshly: he is Nigel Lawson’s son, and people like that have gravy in their veins. My suggestion, however, would be that the Telegraph (of whom by the way Daddy is a non-exec director) now runs a new feature called ‘The Ducks that got Away’ – a full run-down of the things MPs feel happy charging to us.

The Times man falls back on the sample-of-one ploy for his penultimate thrust, pointing out that his chum Tory Paul Goodman actually didn’t take his pension entitlements, and is now leaving the Commons in disgust at the media. Poor old Dominic has been traipsing up and down the constituencies of Britain for the last three weeks looking for a decent MP who won’t be coming back…and found just one, out of the 648 available. This isn’t exactly an outright vindication, methinks. And anyway Mr Lawson, the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for a Goodman to do nothing, bah-boom.

But it’s Dom’s last argument that had me gasping for breath. “Stop carping” he tells the nation, “If you’d wanted to – you could’ve stood for Parliament too.”

Again, we must remember that this is the Lawson family we’re dealing with here, and Ivory Tower doesn’t even begin to describe the upbringing involved. It was, let’s remember, his sibling Nigella who remarked during one of her Christmas culinary epics that”You really should use sherry vinegar for this, but if none is available, then champagne vinegar is perfectly adequate”. Well throw another peasant on the fire Charles, and run me a bath of ermine-milk.

Actually, I quite like the idea of everyone standing for Parliament, because it would’ve brought the electoral cavalcade of new ideas we’ve just endured to a grinding halt. Unfortunately, it would also have increased the debt for each one of us by £500, or roughly thirty billion quid nationally. If we all won, of course, that wouldn’t happen. But then how would we all fit in the Commons chamber? And under the single-member constituency system to which his Conservative pals are still clinging, that would be….er, impossible. Not to mention the publicity expenses, the grip of the Party system and…why am I bothering to even counter this drivel?

People speak of the Westminster Bubble, but Britain is forever blowing bubbles. They exist everywhere unearned privilege exists – ad agencies, Parliaments, boardrooms, TV stations….you name it, they’re always there. People who claim to be socialists but have a fit when shown a shoe with a split in the sole. Folks who laugh when you say “I drive this car because I can’t afford a bigger one”. Hoorays who go all H M Bateman when you suggest a tube would be quicker than a taxi.

Don’t kid yourself that only politicians think we should eat cake. Dominic Antoinette is living proof that these berks are evident in every walk of life. Without them, the Labour Party would never have been necessary.