The news in this morning’s Daily Telegraph that one in ten of new MPs will be bankers gave me the sort of equivocal feelings you’d expect – and several you wouldn’t. The obvious musings included, ‘Hmm – crooks, yep – they’ll fit in well’ and ‘How long will it be, I wonder, before the NHS budget is invested in pork belly futures?’

On a more practical level, after ten days of swingometers, calculators, tactical voting and lost deposits, another thought was ‘Is this a new profession which previously abstained, or has there been a switch of votes?’ This could be more serious than you think: given that 1 in 6 are lawyers and 2 in 5 have never had a commercial occupation of any kind, an entirely new 1 in 10 would leave almost no products of real life in the House of Commons at all. You in turn may mark that result down as a ‘NO CHANGE’. I couldn’t possibly comment.

The possibility of violent exchanges in the Chamber has, however, increased. On the next occasion that big bonuses get handed out in the City, for instance, I’d imagine there will be scuffles, raggings and perhaps even the involvement of tar and feathers. The next time a Government is short of money, banking members could find themselves turned upside down and given a good shake. This would of course cause untold weeping among the voters.

But being of a lateral (some would say horizontal) nature for much of the time, my final thought is what other walks of life are going to be vital in the next House of Commons after this one: because I for one fear the new one won’t be there for anything like five years.

I think we need more fisherman and sailors. This view is based on the number of times I’ve heard people talk about uncharted waters since last Thursday. Landlubbers are not, let’s face it, much use when there are rocks, icebergs and sea-monsters about. Sailors will also come in useful when – at long last – somebody builds a real economy and orders “Full ahead both!”

I’d also like to see more auctioneers in power. When it comes to selling off the family gold, I’m not sure we’re getting value for money – but I’m absolutely certain that more household items will have to go. Once it becomes clear that Buckingham Palace must go under the hammer, we don’t want amateurs involved: the very least one could expect is a senior director of Bonhams, although for the Monarch’s art collection, Christies would be preferable.

But above all, it seems to me that Parliament is disgracefully psychiatristist. Given that a good 600 of the 650 MPs are dangerously deranged, then the residue – 1 in 13 – should be the sort of skilled shrinks who can give Members practical help. The sort of problems I’m envisaging are women who think men are good for little more than flooring, Scots who think they have any right to run England, Chancellors who see economic stagflation paying off gigantic debt, and Education ministers who think horses should have the chance of doing PPE at Oxbridge.

It’s a big subject, and perhaps one requiring more thoughtful and serious minds than mine.