The Alien replica Ford Falcon is out there somewhere….

An Australian woman who crashed her car 20km south of Aileron towards Alice Springs claims she was run off the road by a UFO “that looked exactly like a Ford station-wagon”.

Not in any of my nastiest, most terrifying nightmares have I ever found myself driving a Ford station wagon. Pretty much everyone I know would rather walk over razor blades than have one. If I was given a Ford station wagon, I’d be in a state of constant anxiety until I could find a cliff to tip it over.

But aliens seem to like them so much, they’ve modelled their space ships on them. This means we could sell the buggers anything.

Come Fords and Fiats all unsold,
come Renaults, Seats, Citroens too.
It’s time to come in from the cold –
and make your way to Planet Sckzpoo.

The dimension missing from all solutions to the consumption crisis is inter-galactic export. If these folks have that little discernment, imagine what we could send after the cars? 60 trillion Chinese solar garden lights that don’t light anything, as such. 728 billion pairs of Korean sunglasses that fall apart if you put them on. New easier-to-open supermarket packaging. MacDonalds fruit pies. Al Q’aida. The Russians. Lord Mandelson.

All we have to do now is crack the electromagnetic line that the aliens use to cruise up and down in their two-tone body, whitewall-tyred, genuine wood-trimmed Ford station wagons, and we’re made. I have seen the future, and they are berks.

“Beam it up Scottie,” that’s what I say.