Australian cultural attache Ralph Norris

Much of the recent insanity seems to have passed the folks Down Under by. But a closer look reveals that all the telltale signs are there.

For instance, Commonwealth Bank CEO Ralph Norris (above) saw his total pay package balloon by 75% last year to $16.2 million, as the bank’s net profit grew by 20% to $5.66 billion. Hmm. Make 20% more, get paid 75% more. Yep, that works for me.

The Islamic terrorists on death row for the 2004 Australian embassy bombing say they feel no remorse and believe they’re destined for heaven once they’re executed. “In the eyes of Allah, we are victorious” said one of them. Perhaps chummy, but in the eyes of the law you’re a dead man walking.

Footy star Brett Stewart is in Court on charges of sexual assault. And former Socceroos captain Craig Moore is in a Dubai prison after a drunken altercation with a cop. So the sport’s pretty much the same as here.

And of course, they’ve had a dead-heat election followed by a dead-beat taking power. Julia Gillard is back in the hot seat and, being of a deranged climatological opinion, is mulling a carbon tax. This is to plug the gap left by the ‘negotiated’ mining tax which, spookily enough, catapulted her into that seat in the first place. All sounds pretty normal to me.

In California, however, all those years of sunshine, bankruptcy and Schwarzenegger have taken their toll. No place on the planet can match Calif for bonkers. Thus, Mark Smith, 59, told bank workers in Watsonville California that he had a bomb in his backpack and that he would detonate it inside the building unless he was given $2000. But instead, slow-thinking Mark was convinced by the quick-thinking bank manager to take a loan from the branch to solve his cash flow problems. Smith waited patiently for the teller to arrange the loan paperwork, and the manager called the cops.

I’m having difficulty distinguishing Mark Smith from Ralph Norris here, but it’s probably just me.