Ecoli bacteria living inside something, the nature of which is unclear

Last time on ecolimania….

It was a cucumber from Spain, then it was a bean sprout from Germany, then it perhaps wasn’t a bean sprout from Germany, then it almost certainly was, and now…yes, it’s a bean sprout and a cucumber, but we don’t know where from.

What a wonder to behold is the EU. What a haven it is for slapdash, half-baked scientists who variously predict volcanic clouds that wreck airline industries, tell us all how great biofuel is for the environment when it isn’t – thus pushing up the price of food, say parabens cause breast cancer when they don’t – very nearly bankrupting the cosmetics business, and can’t tell a Spanish cucumber from a German beansprout…thus costing all of us a fortune in reparations for the farmers.

And what a wonderful life it is to be a farmer in the EU. Not only do you get to ignore all the safety and hygiene rules if you’re Portuguese, and get endless CAP subsidies if you’re French; you can also block autoroutes and demand higher reparations when things don’t go your entirely unelected way.

How marvellous to be a bankercrat in the EU, where you gaily dispense cheap money and encourage unwise lending, and then become satisfyingly sanctimonious when a combination of corrupt greedy Government and corrupt greedy Goldman Sachs sends every mammory in the Union pointing skywards. Yes, a banker’s paradise where whole countries must starve to stop you going under because you hard-sold them credit they didn’t need anyway; and a bureaucrat’s wet dream where life consists of going to endless meetings where everyone disagrees about what to do….beyond kicking the can down the road apiece.

But what a foul-smelling, invasive crock of merde it is to be a law-abiding citizen of the EU. Where every vote you cast is ignored. Where every border that was to be no more is full of cameras recording your eyes. Where it costs your country £118 billion for the privilege of membership – and at the first sign of advantage, they ban imports of your produce. Where all the poor folks flood to your shores, because unlike most other members, you obey the rules. Where a very few rich folks pauperise the ordinary folks, but the beatific faces in Brussels smile upon this, and see that it is good. Where, at the end of all the bollocks, you default and so they take your sovereignty away. And where finally, after extra time, it’s a game of meaningless football between 27 players, and then the Germans win.

This morning, Germany’s Wolfgang Schauble said the EU, the ECB, and the IMF got it wrong in Greece. Greece, he opined wisely, now needs to default. But his Chancellor disagrees. His central banker disagrees even more. And the ratings agencies say any debt forgiveness or rescheduling will constitute a default. And the IMF says it can’t lend to a country that is going to fail anyway, because that’s against the rules. But the central banker and the IMF say oh alright then if you insist, but only this once.

This is a loop. Go back to the beginning and start reading again.