There’s madness in the air this Sunday

Let’s be clear about this, we are entering new and dangerous waters wherein the greatest threat to everything could lurk, so we must all be discreet, hear the wake-up call, and remain absolutely committed to taking concerted action in the pursuit of whatever it takes to realise that Europe’s problems are undermined by a weakened global economy, American debt, and failure to take action through force of political will in order to achieve a prompt resolution to the debt crisis.

Or, as the Canadian Finance Minister remarked at the IMF beano yesterday, “The answer to Europe’s problem is a great big pot of money”.

Right then, sorted. When is a solution not a solution? When it’s the answer. Meanwhile, the Hot Air on a G20 Sting by T. Geithner, opus 604 No 35, continues on at a vibrato pace, with the G20 churning out great reams of falsetto.

Moving on, Andy Coulson, former editor of the former Sunday paper the News of the World and a former aide to U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron, filed suit against a former unit of News Corp in the High Court over payment of his legal fees. Poor Andy’s been cut adrift – and a mere four years after he became Murdoch’s former NotW editor, since renamed Newscorpse. Andy’s case is that he was never the foreman, just a former who saw, heard and discussed nothing while among the former Wapping Liars.

I wish Mr Coulson all the luck he deserves, but I’m afraid he’s in a Coulson and no mistake.

coulson, n. A place from which extrication is impossible. eg, ‘Mr Cameron is in a bit of a coulson’, ‘the eurozone is in a complete coulson’ and so forth.

Many things puzzle me about the Cern Collider’s particles allegedly travelling fast than light. For example, something travelling faster than light hasn’t happened yet – by definition: and you can’t have Time without Light. So how did the pointy-heads actually see the particles before they happened, when they were no longer in the Light, but ahead of it? I’m in the dark about this one.

My guess is that the particles cheated, just like me when doing cross country as a kid. I’d hide under the Agecroft viaduct, smoke a couple of woodbines, and then slip back in among the stragglers as they returned via the path on the Victorian water-carrier’s other side. Remember, Einstein said that trying to figure out what God’s up is like playing chess with a Grand Master who moves the pieces when you’re not looking. And like they say, God is in the detail. Or perhaps he’s in the Cern Collider, just arsing about for the sheer Hell of it. Sorry, unfortunate choice of words there.

Back in Europe, ECB Executive Board Member Jose Manuel Gonzalez-Paramo said in an interview that “The road map is clear; what is needed is to speed up the journey, and for that you need very strong leadership.” So we really are doomed, then. Jose resisted referring to low-hanging fruit and U-turns in his interview with Spanish news magazine ABC, but did point out, “”If one just follows the principle that the ones who did wrong should pay for their mistakes, then the results can be unacceptable”.

It’s interesting that he chose a mag called ABC – probably because there’s no press title in Spain called Janetta y Juan – in that his observations were firmly bedded in Chance the Gardener terrain; but the real intrigue in Senor Gonzales-Paramo’s remarks is to whom he might have been referring, and why. Did he mean to imply, for example, that things would be better if he didn’t have an old cretin running the central bank? And as for the doing wrong parable, was he referring to the Greeks, the Italians, the Brussels Sprouts, Goldman Sachs, Angela Merkel, or the sovereign lenders?

The other odd thing about the interview was that it was as if he hadn’t heard about Scott Bernanke and Virgil Trichet in Washington with Brains Geithner, reverse-thrusting the back-equity dynamic of the ECB’s upside protected anti-bonds space into two trillion crisp euro notes with one mighty bound. “We will decide what future the [bond-buying] programme has, but we did not start this programme as an answer to political demands at all, we are the most fiercely independent institution in the world,” he asserted.

Listen chum, if you started the EU bond-buying programme for any reason other than political pressure, you must be certifiable.