The Bekah Lisa…eyes follow you round the room

As Brooks rebuilds her image and the Murdochs remain in charge, the thing to stop is Business as Usual.

I wonder if it’s just me, or whether lots of other folks cannot see the point of the Leveson enquiry? I can see the point of having the Nuremburg trials, if only because it looked from the outset like there was a-gonna be a hangin’. But anyone who thinks this TV sitcom is going to move justice forward needs their head examined.

The Governing elite – senior MPs, the police, and the tabloid media – have been caught with their pants down – which were also on fire as they lied all the way to the police stations of the land. But to date, not a single bigwig has been specifically charged. Andy said he knew nothing and who was this copper Hayman anyway, Rupert played the Alzheimer’s card, James pretended to be an autistic and somewhat gay Speak Your Weight machine, and Rebekah mewed a lot while playing with her hair. Hasn’t the time now come to start banging some people up?

And that’s just Newscorp. No senior copper has gone down (and Hayman hasn’t even been formally questioned) no mendacious politician’s account challenged, no greedy bugger who took the brown paper bag chastised, and no other tabloid regime investigated. This last, I have to confess, is the bit that riles me most. There is almost a sense with the forces of law and justice of “I just don’t where to start….so I won’t”.

Anyway, what – we wonder – will the defences consist of when, around 3027, the miscreants finally get to trial? Well, there may be signs emerging from snow-white flame-haired ickle girlie Rebekah ‘I’ll lend you a new phone’ Brooks. The Raunchy Redtop has been, you will all know by now, removed from her task of behaving like a depraved bottom-feeder job as the CEO of News International. But in order to comfort her in this, a sad and undeserved banishment, Bekky has been given a chauffeur-driven limo, a Wapping pay-off, and all her travelling expenses paid. Thus armed with the very minimum survival aids that life can offer, Ms Brooks has legged it to Africa where (I hear) she has been trying to find herself. It’s a good job she wants to do this, because Plod seems unable to find the will to take her into custody, Plod on the whole being unable to find its backside in the shower.

In fact, what Rebekah Brooks is doing is preparing her character reference. You may think this an insurmountable task on a par with revamping Pol Pot’s image, but she’s a game girl Rebekah. She’s on the case, but mainly she’s been on the nest. The nesting has not been with long-suffering hubby-buffoon Charlie ‘can I have my pc back’ Brooks, but rather with her cousin’s bloke. For Brooks is carrying a surrogate child for her barren relative. In a bizarre, ironic and near-obscene twist, the former tabloid topper persuaded the press corps not to print the story for some weeks, “because it was a private and sensitive family matter”. I have, from that moment on, heard it all. Happily, sense has prevailed, and several titles have since carried the story.

In fact, I severely doubt that Brooks had any intention of keeping the arrangement secret. It is part of a less-than-subtle plan to become The Good Woman of Umbula, or wherever she is. For what many folks may not know is that – as part of this spin-strategy – she is also trying to adopt a black African baby…..who would otherwise starve without her attentions, and thus represents yet more evidence of Rebekah’s newfound devotion to the Right Path. It’s an uplifting tale, although pretty bad news for the baby….if it comes off. Nothing has, as yet, been signed.

You have to be more than slightly mad to imagine that a few stunts like this are going to even up the score in a Courtroom. But a jury is merely twelve people, some of whom watch X-Factor, think David Cameron is a nice young man trying really hard, and are convinced that Foxy Knoxy didn’t do it. So you never know.

As I wrote last Sunday, justice in the UK today is highly unlikely to come out of the police, judiciary, social work, or Parliament. Far more likely is that business pressures will ultimately be telling when it comes to extracting bad guys from polite society. Anxious advertisers closed the News of the World, and in the US, one suspects that the same will happen as the FBI case builds against Newscorp there.

Even in the land of Roop’s birth (which was what – two nationalities ago? I forget) Australian police are investigating a former senator’s allegations that an executive from Murdoch’s News Limited offered him favourable newspaper coverage and “a special relationship” in return for voting against government legislation.

One Bill O’Chee made the allegations in a nine-page statement to police, and they were published earlier today (Wednesday). The exec concerned remains unnamed, but the Aussie Feds said  that O’Chee’s allegations had been under investigation since 4 November. Tip for the cops on this one: investigate Newscorp, it’ll be quicker.