HMRC Albion were gutted this lunchtime when, in today’s early kick-off, Redknapp Rovers strolled to a 4-0 thrashing of the London side currently leading the Arseholes Premier League. Speaking to Sky after the match, skipper Harry Redknapp said, “I’m delighted to get the result on away ground, the boys all done brilliant against tough opposition, it’s a weight off my mind to be through to the next club, sorry, round of the FA Cup. I said right from the kick-off that I’d done FA wrong, and this result has proved me right. I fink the ref’s ‘ad a good game, it was never a penalty offence, and I’ve said all along roight that Monty Carlo is my banker in midfield an’ ‘e never put a foot wrong. This is a great travesty for British justice and if that geezer eyeballs me again I’ll deck the f**ker.”

Crestfallen Albion manager George Gideon said afterwards that he thought the game was “marred by Redknapp’s ruthless determination to win at all costs by professing innocence, and personally I think such decisions show that we are not open for funny business.”

Today’s other results brought wins for AFC Coogan 1-0 against Wapping Tabloids, and Hughesonian Old Bisexuals triumphed by the same score over a News International XI. Both winning teams were on a £45,000 bonus, a reward that irreverent tweeter Stephen Hester called “completely out of proportion to the effort put in”. Interviewed by the Daily Bankergraph, Mr Hester added that he thought the recipients “should show that Britain is completely ready for funny business by giving the bonuses back.”

And in other news, FA Chairman David Bernstein delayed his chat with England manager Fabio Capello, saying that he had not wanted to miss live coverage of the Redknapp Rovers game.