Sylvester Stallone is to make Rambo 5. Pippa Middleton has kissed French aristocrat Vicomte Arthur de Soultrait. Virgin Atlantic has created a new novelty ice cube for its passengers – crafted in the shape of Sir Richard Branson’s head. Marilyn Monroe was jealous of Elizabeth Taylor’s success. Jeremy Hunt has been revealed to be a keen lambada dancer. Roy Hodgson says one of his first tasks will be to broker peace talks between John Terry and Rio Ferdinand. And Oasis front-man Liam Gallagher says Manchester City manager Mancini is almost as cool as him.

No wonder they call it the Maily Telegraph these days. Oh the journalistic transformation wrought by tax-exiled proprietors, their wonders to perform.