Today, I was mainly trying (in vain) to personalise my Gmail account for use on emails going out to steam-driven Slog loyalists.

When I got to their page about personalising, I saw this supreme example of literary expression:

‘Why Google has been ahead of times is becuase it touches the basic roots of the people. With Orkut being a successful social netwokring venture and GMail being the best email service, Goolge has dominated internet oservices for years now.’

Signed, Adis Lexik. “Seefingizz loik, whorrit is is, roit?” James Fennimore Cooper, eat your heart out.

And who is this man of mystery, Internet O’Services?

Battling past the pidgin insistence that I could personalise to an individual level, I eventually came across this ‘update’ – predictably, under the heading FAQs:

‘What happened to custom themes?
We’re working on a way to bring back the ability to choose your own background.’

Well, there you are. They’re wokring on the issue with a view to framing a new space in the email configuration such that, in due course, they might also get onto updating the actual, real-time Gmail bookmark in a bid to avoid giving customers the wrong critical path analysis. The entire problem is being rigorously investigated by their best people, and you can rest assured that our customer-facing blah blah block bollocks bollocks bollocks.

Becuase let’s face it, Gogloe is very concerns to stay aheda the time. It’s all abotu injunuity.