Dream

In a firm display of his new determination to cut, cut, cut, US President Barack Obama has carried out a ruthless reduction in his re-election slogan word count, switching down from ‘Yes we Can’ to ‘Forward’. This is even more sparse than the ‘Forward not Back’ directional clue given by New Labour when it went back to being Old Labour, so that was ‘backwards not for’ really, but that makes even less sense than this new sh*t, and anyway who’s counting?

Explaining the move, White House interpreter Jack O’Fallot explained, “Frankly we could’ve put any old crappola in there but this kinda sends a message of movement to all those folks dumbassed enough to think there’s more to the President than you think. I mean like, what you see is what you get with Obama. We feel it’s a winner.”

Reacting swiftly, challenger Mitt Romney slimmed down his existing slogan from ‘Help is Coming’ to ‘Help’.

Said the President,

“We can’t afford to jeopardize the future by repeating the mistakes of the past. Not now, not when we’ve got so much at stake.” **

He added, “Look, this is my job on the line here. Can you imagine the bad message it sends out if over half of America votes to make the black guy unemployed?”

** He did actually say this. That’s not a joke, that was for real.