Further to recent scurrilous suggestions in these columns, I should like to withdraw any suggestion that David Cameron might be involved in something improper when it comes to Middle Eastern diplomacy. I would like to make it absolutely clear that, based on information that has come to light since those posts, he is almost certainly involved in something highly improper.

As keen followers of Rancid Cameldung’s activities will know already, he is keen on the Arab Spring, while wishing to retain the Stoning Age in certain States allied to British bank accounts. To this end, he sells jets to misogynist fanatics, and backs the Muslim Brotherhood in Syria. He was also quite happy to topple Gadaffi in Libya with Al Q’eada’s help.

The Libyan campaign having been a roaring success, we should nevertheless remember that it provides under 2% of the world’s oil reserves, and is populated by a mere 6.5million people. Its commercial interest to Britain is therefore of negligible value.

But that’s not the same as a corporate interest. Especially when that corporate is a major player within Britain’s corrupt Tory Minister/tendering for public sector business morass. Even if that supplier keeps f**king up on an olympic scale. I refer of course to G4S, that well-known security company that offers its own special brand of Not Able To Fulfil Security As Such.

Soon after its disastrous failure with Locog 2012, G4S was inexplicably appointed to head an enquiry into Squaddie abuse of innocent citizens in Iraq. In obvious expectation of more where that came from,  a few months ago, Richard Northern – the UK ambassador to Libya during the Arab spring – was appointed senior adviser to G4S. Northern liaised with SAS and MI5 spooks about to be sent in to Libya, but was engaged in an embarrassment when the Cockleup Heroes managed to scare the crap out of the rebels..and Gadaffi intercepted a message relating to same. I’m now told that G4S is close to landing a £15-20M contract in the Land of New Springtime.

A big MI6 wheel Sir Mark Allen also finds himself working for BP, after having devoted some time in the past to shopping Gadaffi dissidents for Blair (allegedly), and then becoming the victim of a freak stroke that made it impossible for Special Branch to give him the cosh-and-fag treatment. The stroke having disappeared in another miracle on a par with Ernest Saunder’s astonishing Alzheimer’s recovery, he was last heard of giving a lecture to the secretive Chatham House clan.

Moving on from oil and security, hygiene is of course an important issue in rat-infested Libya, and during the period when its civil war was decelerating into a draw, British outfit Rentokil came perilously close to toppling over the cliff after Gadaffi stopped paying their bills,  bad-debting them to the tune of five million quid on a contract in which they had invested rather more than that. Former Rentokil chief executive Sir Clive Thompson has been a big wheel major-contributor to the Conservative Party for many years. Now Chairman of Strategic Equity Capital plc, some years ago the UK Insolvency Service applied to the High Court for Thompson to be disqualified as a Director, but the case was later dropped.

We saw how, in Brazil, David Cameron devoted three hours to digging himself a Party interest hole by bigging up JCB’s presence there. But nothing will ever change the way Dave operates.