Walking to and from the bathroom this morning with the telly on in in background, I could’ve sworn I heard the Sky News anchor-woman say that scientists had begun drilling into Avid Cameroon in a search for signs of life. It turned out she’d said ‘Arctic lagoon’, but there are times when you do wonder about Dave. I was astonished to read yesterday afternoon that his grand plan for single-sex weddings being celebrated in church is to exclude the Church of England. However, this has nothing to do with braindeath, and everything to do with the Prime Minister being simply a reed in the wind. Or a weed in the rind if you prefer your gags surreal.

Some months back the European Parliament slipped through one of their silent-but-deadly smelly things, announcing that all Gays everywhere must be allowed to marry, and that this was the first step on a rocky, winding road to same-sex marriages in church.

This presents Dave with a problem, for as MP Sir Tony Baldry remarked during the debate, “For the Church of England, the uniqueness of marriage is that it embodies the distinctiveness of men and women, so removing that complementarity from the definition of marriage is to lose any social institution where sexual difference is explicitly acknowledged.” The CofE also has an opt-out clause on various other types of legislation involving its position as allegedly being the Church, and thus in charge of the sanity dimension.

Anyway, as from very soon, any Gay person will be able to get married in any church schism they like, except the biggest one. This brazen prejudice will then be overturned in time by the largest fascist superstate in history. Life is full of such ironies.

One such is why Rupert Murdoch is allowed to continue living, let alone own newspapers, bribe coppers and threaten MPs, but old Bruce the Digger Demon continues to poke law and order in its one remaining eye. Rebekah Brooks is understood to have received a £10.9m payoff from News International, where she was chief executive, after the media group admitted it handed the sum to “one director as compensation for loss of office”. She was and is that one executive….now facing trial for conspiracy to pervert justice, and illegal privacy invasion. That such a thing is allowed feels much worse to me than any banker’s bonus: I’m left wondering how much Roop gave to the parents of Milly Dowler.

The U.S. Federal Reserve, meanwhile, is giving money away to the financial system in a style that leaves Murdoch looking like the pauper on the Church step. Announcing a new round of monetary stimulus, Bernanke took the unprecedented step on Wednesday of indicating interest rates would remain near zero until unemployment falls to at least 6.5%. Experts estimate that this means Zirp will continue until March 2038, by which time every pensioner will be dead, and America will have turned Communist out of sheer desperation.

Desperate might also describe the mood of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, who is in a stable but delicate condition after his latest cancer surgery. Reuters observed that this ‘could indicate an end to his 14-year rule’. I’d imagine it also signals an end to his 58-year life, an eventuality that is going to please the vast majority of world ‘leaders’ – with the obvious exceptions of Vlad Putin and Mahmood Ahmedinnejhad. Putin in particular liked going to see Hugo, I understand, purely as a way to say to the West, “You may think I’m not a head-case, but keep guessing suckers”.

Anyway, this is what the world’s press were on about at six am this morning. And in other news, Greek banks are eating themselves in return for more toilet paper from Draghi to Samaras, the privatisation of the NHS continues on its pre-ordained route, in care homes up and down the country screwed up kids are being screwed up the backside, the corporate abuse of a skilled but now dead nurse is being ignored, RBS and most other banks are squeezing the life out of small businesses illegally, the entire continent of Europe is being run by blinkered psychos, and Nato is backing an Islamist terror organisation with a view to maintaining its oil supplies.

I hate Thursdays, don’t you?

 

Earlier at The Slog: Arcane anacronyms replace the archaic anarchy in the Text & Twitter space