This seems to be a true story. It is quite bizarre.

A man was detained in Bursa province in Turkey’s Marmara region for allegedly raping a duck, daily newspaper Habertürk reports. Police forces detained the man following complaints from his inlaws, who claimed he had raped one of their ducks during an overnight stay.

The circumstantial evidence isn’t looking good for the defendant: his father-in-law said he found “feathers and blood” in a bed with the duck, which was “unable to walk,” and the mother-in-law says she later discovered the man’s bloody shirt by a tree. What’s more, the duck was found to have suffered deformation and damage to its intestines and underwent several operations at the local vet.

Is this a canard? Is a duck out of the question? I think we should be told….but in the meantime, sources in Berlin and Ankara were tight-lipped and unwilling to be drawn on the metaphorical message of this bestiality.

“Vell you know, I sink ziss kind off thing needs to be studied,” said Gerhard Höring of 39 Wolfschanze Allee, Stuttgart, “You see, ze duck did not die, und zo we see zat ze policy of raping ducks need not be fatal.”*

* I made this last bit up. On the other hand, I’ve always felt that Evangelos Venizelos needs a damn good ducking. All we need is a ducking stool that could take his weight.