Veteran blogger thrilled by the ease with which he was able to lose 2,500 followers with minimal inconvenience.

Severe doubts expressed as to whether Twitter management exists or is simply one f*ckwitted robot in a silo just outside Delhi.

After 45,703 attempts to lasso the mythical ether known as Twitter Help, The Slog this evening abandoned his old Twitter ID @nbyward in favour of a new one, @TheSlogtweets. I will be tweeting regularly at the old page to direct frustrated followers to the new one. This mess was brought to you by a group of billionaire jerks who couldn’t give after-sales support to an illiterate deaf mute whose feet had been rivetted into concrete on the White House lawn.

Clearly, Twitter has a terrific way of keeping its user totals up and producing what looks like growth: if you move from one location to another (even if your pc remains the same) they send you endless emails saying how they want to help, but unfortunately can’t, due to the sawdust from their heads falling into their eyes. The only way back in is to register in another name, and then be told that your email address is already taken so you need to get a new one for that too.

Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey is 35 going on 6, but has already joined the ranks of the world’s billionaires. A man who likes to present a moving target, Jacky boy now spends most of his time working on Square….presumably a concept he hopes to force into a round hole, quite probably his arse. Like those other wankers Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Arianna Huffingtopalotaloss, he has risen to these dizzy heights by screwing customers around – a uniquely deft move for somebody who provides zero service to anyone at any time.

The market valuation of Twitter suggests that each Tweeter is worth approximately $2.50, so you can see why none of us are valued very much. I mean, $2.50 is a pretty weeny white-trash heap of not very much, right? So f**k ’em, right? Unless, of course, every tenth user has to keep on renewing and rebuilding every time his f**king buttock so much as twitches, in which case you can, over a relatively short period of time, make your company look far more valuable than it really is: and the more of an inefficiently useless twat you are, the greater your overvaluation.

So a word to the average dingbat industry analyst re this one: as your name suggests you ought to be anal, why not get retentive bigtime and ask the Twitter ‘management’ at the next AGM how many inactive and duped user accounts they have?

You see guys, it’s a very bad idea to dick The Slog around….as Twitter is about to discover more profoundly over the next few days. Sorry Twittermen, but I’m sick to death of sh*t internet service, and you’re the unlucky men of straw who just broke my camel’s back.

Earlier at The Slog: The IOC deepwater submarine ploughs ahead to 2024.