It seems that Lord Hall has told the CM&S MPs’ Committee that what the BBC needs is more Liverpool accents on the telly. Having spent three carefree and fulfilling years in Liverpool as a student in the 1960s, I think this to be the most constructive idea to have emerged in relation to our national State broadcaster in many a decade. There now follows the BBCNews for today 22nd October 2013 in Scouse.

Airm, yer know sumptun, dat f**kan Len Wardle at de Coop, is ‘e f**kan last or wha’? After all dem attempts to make de twerlies pick up de tab like, e’s’ gonna step down. Someone needs ter step on all de f**kan akkers ‘e’s taken and dish id out ter dose dat’s in dire need of a bevvy. I mean like, am on me bloody arse ‘ere an’ yet some’ow  diss f**kin’ divvy’s gettun a pile o’ sub fer bein’ a daft Jessie.

An’ as fer dat Cameron right, ‘e’s gorran ‘ead as big as Birken’ead. Eez a f**kun gozzie-eyed twat with a jam butty where is ‘ead should be tellun me ter purron a jumper if am cold. Ooo de f**k duzzie tink eeizz? We dunt need no shairtilftin’ blert oo cudn’t punch iss way oudova wet Echo tellun uzz when it’s a cuppa tea an’ a long sit down. Fer Chrissake, soft lad or wha’?

Apologies to those who have no idea WTF any of the last two paragraphs mean, but I can assure you that there is much LOL among Merseyside Sloggers on reading them. And talking of WTF or LOL, Blog comment threadspeak can be every bit as funny as Scouse (Liverpool) dialect. Here, for instance, is a quote from an interviewee on the BBCNews in Threadspeak:

“IMHO, Muslims need to learn that ITSFWI. Others think we should be tolerant, but BTAIM I do find myself PMSL when TPTB say SFSG: this BTHOOM and MEGO because OTOH, WRT the British way of life, AFAIK your average swivel-eyed beheader sees every POOS as barely human.”

Even in countries where it is accepted that there is but one language in use, people invent tribal codes. Regionally, these might be Scouse, Cockney rhyming slang, Geordie, or Glaswegian. Commercially by profession, they range from unpunctuated legalese and marketing jargon through to taxi-driver lingo via horticultural Latin and social science drivel.

The tribal codes are there to facilitate secret communication while in the presence of other tribes, to safeguard jobs, and suggest magical expertise where there is none….but above all, to protect members of the tribe from the external discovery that their codes are complete bollocks.

For we are all, at the end of the day, protectionist by nature. Free trade supranational organisations and globalist ideas try to deny these fundamentals: and this is why in the end they must fail. Idiots like Gordon Brown can insist that self-sufficient protectionism represents “a siege economy” until Hell freezes over after the cows have come home. There is nothing wrong with looking after one’s own first and foremost, while dealing in a straight manner with outsiders – die Ausländer as the Germans have it, or des étrangers as the French say. It is the natural way for a pack species to behave.

Earlier at The Slog: Only rarely do those who look actually see