I’ve just posted at the Telegraph site after reading Borisconi Johnsolini’s plea for us all to hug a billionaire tax avoider. In a moment of crass insensibility (they are roughly one moment in three when it comes to the London Mayor) he started off his piece thus:

‘It is my duty to stick up for every put-upon minority in the city – from the
homeless to Irish travellers to ex-gang members to disgraced former MPs.
After five years of slog, I have a fair idea where everyone is coming from…’

My posted thread reads:

‘I am The Slog BoJo, and I’ve been on your case for nearly seven years actually. I have a better than fair idea where you’re coming from, chum: you are a former MP….and you are a disgrace.
Here’s wishing you well in your future of standing up for Tim Yeo, Darius Guppy, Rupert Murdoch, Rebekah Brooks, Earls Court developers, East London Colleges, the Metropolitan Police, and of course not forgetting all those who enjoyed some great times at Elm House.’

I thought I’d share it with you, as without doubt it will be air-brushed out within the next hour.

And in other news, it now seems certain that Lee Harvey Osborne only got off three shots at John F Bull – austerity, Mark Carney and Help to Buy – but in reality none of them killed him. It has now emerged that special agent Gordon Brownloathean accidentally blew JFB’s head off from further back in the motorcade. I am glad to see that Channel 5 has finally managed to lay this tragic case to rest once and for all.

David Dimbleby was on the telly getting himself a tattoo tonight, and talking about the buckled swash of Sir Francis Drake, a man who stole, spied, pillaged and terrified people on a scale close to Sir Rupert Murder.

Myself, I have always had a sneaking admiration for Benson & Hedges founder Sir Walter Raleigh, and his lesser-known brother Montecarlo Raleigh….designer of the Coat Dazure for Prince Rainier, and ever-reliable co-driver for speed-ace Kate Moss in the 24/7 Heroine Challenge during the period 2002-6.

In a last-ditch attempt to save the troubled God-to-Gays conglomerate Church of England, David Cameron has announced plans to privatise it. Labour firebrand Tom Watson balked at the idea on the grounds that CoE is already privately owned, but his objections were brushed aside by a confident Prime Minister who told the House last week, “This is a mere detail, in that as good Christians they should have no interest in money anyway”. He added that there was “no truth whatsoever” in the accusation from colourful MP for Faisalabad Boy George Galloway that the CoE would be sold to Newscorp subsidiary Fox Diocese News in order to stop troublesome priests saying rude things about Michael Gove.

Finally, I leave you with the news that Benjamin Netanyahu’s closest advisers have warned him a unilateral strike could prove disastrous for Israel. “We could bring Israel to a standstill within days,” warned Union convener Moshe Peasbagel, as Cabinet colleagues reminded the Prime Minister that the last time Unilaterals went on strike in 1983, supplies of gefüllte fisch and Yom Kippers dried up after just one week of industrial action. You can email your feelings on this issue to Ben@yahoo.com.