Shy Heather Mills-Bomb, 73 (left) quietly insists Piers Morgan doesn’t have a leg to stand on

All in all, this last has felt like a week in which the white hats were winning for a change. Freddie Starr displayed a rare moment of sanity in his chaotic life by saying f**k you to the cops: he’d had enough of being used as a headline grabber by Plod: arrest and charge me, sh*t or get off the pot etc etc. Some of the worms are turning in the light of acquittals of blokes from the past being condemned by the cheerless pinched goblins of the present.

For me the week was made by the news that Piers “I have never in my life ever once hacked anyone’s phone or told anyone else to do so” Morgan (who, to prove the point, once joked about doing just that at a staff piss-up) has been interviewed by Met Plod, who are now on codename number 45,096, Golding.

Morgan edited Newscorp rival The Mirror from 1995 to 2004, and Murdoch’s News of the World from 1994 to 1995. During this time he groomed a nation, sorry, a redhead who had sex with a nation, about the art of editorship in the digital age. Morgan’s statement of innocence has therefore to be judged alongside other famous protestations, such as “This is is my last territorial claim in Europe” (a Herr A. Hitler, 1938).

“A 48-year-old man, a journalist, was interviewed under caution by officers from Operation Golding in connection with suspected conspiracy to intercept telephone voicemails,” said Metpol Plod prs yesterday.
In fact, the interview took place during December last year, but being the ruthlessly revelatory journalist that he is, Piers sat on the information in the hope nobody would notice.

And they wouldn’t have – had it not been for the scrupulously born-again CNN management, who insisted on releasing a statement about it. There remain at least three on the Board of this news organisation who see Romping Arse as a human UXB. The sooner he is detonated, the better.

The best chance justice has in this instance is to get Paul McCartney onside to testify against Ron Giasperm about voicemails intercepted by person or persons of as yet unproven guilt following a little Tiff between Macca and Hoppy at the Caprice restaurant some years ago. But the Romper is fortunate in his choice of enemies: the former golden couple-cum-three-legged race get nervous about even being on the same continent as the other one.

But other events during the week reminded us all of just how powerful the forces of darkness are. Despite the entire spectrum of Westminster politics having been caught in flagrante and the Severn from Monday to Wednesday, very few people inside or outside the media seem to have grasped the profundity of hypocrisy involved in the varietal posturing that went on. Yesterday’s Indie i edition, for example, headlined ‘Ministers poised to swallow pride and ask EU for flood aid’, when it is patently obvious that, were such aid not on offer, the British Government could sue the EC on the basis of three public Directives about ‘flood management’ from 2005-10. (Brussels has for three days been pestering the Brits about when they were going to ask for aid, but for obvious reasons the Truth Fairies chose to try and hush up the details of how the mess occurred in the first place).

Perhaps one good thing to come out of the floods, however, was the final proof that Nigel Farage doesn’t walk on water. He splashes about in, wades into it, and for all I know has the odd silent pee in it: be he seems incapable of walking on it. This is a terrible disappointment for many, and bleeding obvious to me. But clearly I’m just a man who makes “nasty remarks” about Mr Farrago, and ” has it in for” him. Plus ca change. I’m also a supporter of rape on the NHS, government grants for ex-DJ paediatricians, and chopping the balls off anyone who disagrees with me, so beware: I am a desperate character like what with you should not trifle, chummy.

Last but not unexpectedly, David Cameron quietly dropped his pledge to let constituents vote on whether their feckless MP should be booted from public life for such minor offences as fibbing about taxi emissions and soliciting money from business in return for bending committees and bribing officials. The Prime Minister drops pledges in the same spirit as bankers set aside money to pay fines for bankrupting SMEs, rigging Libor rates and so forth. A much simpler Bill to be included in the next batch of Westminster legislation would’ve been a Rule of Law Act, under which the novel idea of MPs, civil servants, mayors, media moguls and bankers going to jail could’ve been proposed and debated fully. But this was all far too radical for many in the Tory leadership….especially, I’m told, George Osborne, Boris Johnson and Michael Gove, all of whom wished Tim Yeo well during his recent Constituency unpleasantness. It says a lot about this triple-A trio that they should remain loyal even to a washed-up old sleazebag in his hour of need.

“Taxi! Taxi!”

I’m engaged in street repairs on Regent Street this weekend, and thus posts might be sporadic.

Related post at The Slog: The crumbling fortune cookie that was once Mark Williams-Thomas