On Planet Telegraph, it is no longer enough that Boris Johnson – a London Mayor under investigation by the press and others on at seven separate counts – is given any space he wants at any time to defend his equally crooked mates. The Sarkistas now insist that other columnists write news articles covering the “points” made by BoJo in his columns in the same paper.

Today, Boris has yet another go at the BBC – this time because it fired a local DJ for playing a track with the word ‘Nigger’ in it. The Beeb is of course insane on this kind of issue, but we should all examine how it got there. Years of bullying from the pc community encouraged by Westminster have pushed the Corporation from pillar to post. Yet throughout that era, the Left (led by Campbell and Mandelson) accused the BBC of Right-wing bias…a ridiculous claim that culminated in the Iraq War sexed-up dossier scandal.

The Right now condemns the Beeb for being damned if it does, and damned if it doesn’t. And it never, ever misses an opportunity to slag the place off. BoJo takes a pop this morning, then his pop is reported elsewhere, and meanwhile Neil McCormick slams the BBC for – wait for it – not electing our Eurovision song contest singer – but rather, “choosing an unknown girl selected by a backroom cabal”.

BRITAIN CRAP AT TRYING TO FIND PEOPLE TO SING CRAP SONGS, BBC TO BLAME.

What I suspect most people don’t realise, however, is that the Eurovision Song Contest winner – a transvestite sporting a beard – uses the stage name Conchita Wurst. In Spanish and German respectively, the name’s constituent parts add up to Little Cunt Sausage. As the bloke is Austrian, one suspects he knew this perfectly well.

BRITAIN CRAP AT CHOOSING OBSCENE TRANNIE NAMES TO WIN CRAP SONG CONTEST, BBC TO BLAME.

Were I on the Board of Governors, I would vote wholeheartedly for a plea of Guilty on both counts. But then, I am old fashioned…..and I do have a history of mental illness.

In one year, Zirp has cost Britain’s savers £12bn. Imagine if, instead, the banks had given interest rate tokens out, with the proviso that they had to be spent on British-made goods. That would’ve made a severe dent in our trade deficit during the 2013/14 fiscal. But the banks would’ve screamed blue murder, the globalists would’ve had a fit, and the EU would’ve banned it as protectionism. Such is the eclectic nature of lunatics getting in the way of progress.

I was surprised to read this morning that Gary Barlow is being allowed to keep his OBE, because I’d no idea that this tediously pointless talent show judge had been given one in the first place. I suppose that in today’s world it makes total sense to have a talentless twat judging talent, otherwise the equality police would be on the case in no time. But equally, there is some logic in a talentless bloke who made money singing in a Boy Bland judging whether others have the blandness and talentless anti-wow factor to make it in the contemporary fame game.

However, I do find myself a tad confused as to why Garray was given the gong in the first place. Any information gratefully received.

Having held a rally to prove it isn’t racist, it looks like UKip might soon be needing one to show it isn’t anti-Gay. Nigel Farage last night defended his over 70 year old candidate Roger Helmer –  the UKip by-election candidate in Newark. Some fanatic (from Stonewall probably) has dug up the fact that Helmer said, in a pamphlet from 2000, that homosexuality is “abnormal” and “undesirable”. Nige said in mitigation that “many people over 70” are uncomfortable with homosexuality.

I would call Helmer right on the first count and overly-judgemental on the second. But either way, it occurs to me that in 2000, the candidate wasn’t over 70, he was actually 56. So perhaps UKip’s walker on the water needs to rethink his defence re this one.

And penultimately, the Independent reported today at 6.45 am that falling male sperm counts (and poor quality sperms per se) continue to be on the increase. There are, it seems, “many possible explanations for this, ranging from chemicals in the environment to tight underwear, but none on its own has been strong enough to explain the trend.” All we know for sure is that the trend adversely affects the sperm’s agility, and its ability to penetrate the human egg cell.

Sounds like a contraceptive invented by natural selection to me. But not to the same Independent two hours later, which carried a completely different slant, suggesting that ‘Chemicals in common household products such as toothpaste, soap and plastic toys have a direct impact on human sperm which could help explain rising levels of male infertility, scientists have found.‘

It’s all bollocks, and that’s official.

Yesterday at The Slog: the not entirely hidden agenda of Clifford’s hungry accuser