Today I enjoyed my first hot shower since Wednesday. I would love to record that this was due to the builders having given me back my interior water supply, but in fact it was down entirely to the sun’s enormous energy output, and my never-ending belief in the ultimate triumph of ingenuity over poverty.

The only access I have to fresh water is from an outside standpipe. But if one attaches a long length of flexible pipe to that – and then lays it out in full sunlight – a free hot shower will be available within 40 minutes at most.

WARNING: THIS IS UNLIKELY TO WORK IN ABERDEEN, WHERE IT IS BLOODY FREEZING MOST OF THE TIME.

The experience of working with builders is a special one, in that for most people it occurs rarely. But it would be a mistake to see the parallel here as being, say, Christmas. A more accurate analogy would be the average householder’s interface with hobgoblin anti-matter.

Promises to “carefully remove” this and “fully protect” that in the contract are swiftly replaced by the reality of smashed picture frames, an inch of dust on one’s original Moon-landing samples, and a casual use of the Turin Shroud to wipe trowels clean.

Tea is brewed using client kettles informally nationalised, the mugs being left to stand upon (and thus leave indelible rings upon) Victorian writing desks, 15th century occasional tables, and Michelangelo cartoons.

Everything is thrown away. Perfectly re-useable floorboards, beams, wire, window frames, glass panes, shower-heads, locks, door furniture, and wood-stove fuel are gaily chucked in the skip – the more quickly to exhaust Earth’s supply of the stuff.

There are two big exceptions to this rule: copper, which every plumber gathers up for its resale value; and oak, which every skilled menuisier knows can be merged with other offcuts to create something very special.

The main thing one does after the builders have departed is give thanks for their absence, and clear up after them. Rescuing valuable stuff from the skip is a tedious job while they’re there, but a treasure trove of freebies once they’ve gone.