New Dinosaur found alive ‘is Labour donor’ says BBC

I fell about laughing yesterday on the news that Jean-Claude Juncker (managing director of Radio Luxembourg and EC Bigwig) has accused Alexis Tsipras as being unfit to run Greece, let alone run for Juncker’s sinecure in the Euro-elections this weekend. Dipping a gently grilled lark’s cock into his mouth while masturbating a pig and anally shagging a goat at the same time, Caligula told the Empire Chronicle last week that Claudius was unfit to run Rome.

I’m afraid the BBC no longer knows how to be objective without being bland. This morning it tells us that it’s three years since the Chilcot inquiry into the Iraq War interviewed its last witness…but still it remains unpublished. It seems that before publication, those facing criticism have to be given an opportunity to respond privately, and that Sir John Chilledout had hoped to start the process last year, but here we are halfway through this year, and the process still hasn’t started.

Finally, Prime Minister David Cameron said he hoped the report would be published by the end of this year, but that hurrying things up “is not in my gift”.

This is truly as close as one can get in a three-dimensional Universe to investigation-free journalism. The citizen is entitled to know:

1. Why those three years elapsed with everything in neutral, and if putting that right is not in the PM’s gift, then WTF is?

2. Why are those criticised to be allowed to comment privately.…what difference will it make? We won’t see their risible lies and feeble excuses anyway.

3. Why did Sir John not start when he’d hoped to – did they stop his fee? Is he behind with the washing?

The truth of this is obvious: behind the scenes, those with axes to grind are ensuring none of them fall on their necks. The process has been pedestrianised in order to ensure things can be changed, deals involving body locations can be done, and the whole thing seems so long ago, none of the electorate care any more.

For Chilcot, substitute Elm House. As usual, a Nation sleeps.

Meanwhile, the neoliberal programme of turning State organs of control into private armies of repression continues. I still cannot believe I’m writing sentences like that in my 67th year, but look at the facts: Michael ‘Mad’ Gove now wants his Department for Education to seek ways of “improving child protection:…by handing over the care of abused or neglected children to profit-making companies.

There is some opposition to this idea, bit as it comes from experts in child protection it will go unheeded. A letter to the Guardian from academics quite rightly warns that child protection is too important to be exposed to what they call the “fickleness and failings” of private organisations. An incredibly polite way of putting it. The mind boggles at how a privately-owned system with clients supplied by local government could be perverted in record time.

But no matter how many times private, mendacious cowboys screw up, the neoliberals don’t learn….for the simple reason that they don’t want to: all they want is the munneeee….and direct control over how things work. So from April 2015, security screening at Westminster will be run by a private contractor.

Not surpirsingly, Labour MP Barry Sheerman had been seeking assurances that security would not be outsourced, but being a mere representative of the People, he has naturally been ignored in favour of the splendid idea of awarding the business to the likes of G4S, which lied about its London Olympics capability, and defrauded other departments by over-counting successful projects. Or maybe the NHS consultants who built crap hospitals from under-specced materials, or the IT suppliers who created the £23bn Connecting for Health white elephant – or even the DWP jokers who defrauded IDS – could be approached and begged to apply.

Commons Speakeasy John Bercow replied he was “very comfortable” with security arrangements of the House – but they would not be discussed on the floor of the chamber. Well of course not….what right have we to know about it? Bercow’s the name, Berkishness is my game.

And finally, earlier today at the BBC website:

You have to laugh.

Last night at The Slog: Glancing through the pages of The Daily Stupidity