Several British “leaders” are involved this week in a Stage revival of the much-loved TV sitcom Dad’s Army. In the Corporal Jones role is Nick Clegg, who – despite the coming of Flash Farage and his Nasty Stormtroopers to wipe the Party out this Thursday – has told his troops “Don’t panic!” The Deputy PM, representing the IKip Party in the Coalition, told colleagues it would be self-defeating to “turn inwards” – ie challenge his position as Warmington-on-Sea’s junior NCO.

Meanwhile, David Cameron is playing Sergeant Wilson to perfection by asking his chaps if they wouldn’t mind awfully forming two fairly neat rows and then trusting him a lot, in the hope that his own position will not be threatened as and when ARP Warden Farage once again tells the British People to Put That Light Out.

In the Private Pyke role is Ed Miliband, explaining that he would only have time to campaign on local British issues on account of his Mum said he had to be back by 9.30 or else.

You may have noticed the lack of any senior officers in the remake. This is because none of them speak good enough English to take on the Captain Mainwaring part. But it is hoped by many that the natural for the part, Mayor Borisconi, will be free to take on the role once his long-running hit London Lies finally runs out of steam.

That he would be perfect as the short-arsed pretentious Home Guard captain was demonstrated perfectly last week as BoJo “reacted furiously” to claims that he wasn’t taking the allegations of Met Police corruption seriously enough.

“What I find disgraceful is the constant sniping and slurring at members of the Metropolitan Police Force who are doing a fantastic job in bringing down crime,” he asserted in a very odd manner. He’s wrong on two counts here: that they’re doing a fantastic job, and that crime is coming down. He did, however, manage to avoid the words “all a load of leftwing poppycock” – the phrase he used just 36 hours after Rebekah Brooks and Rupert Murdoch had recruited him to try and assassinate secret Nazi agent Alan von Rusbridger.

Being a bully with a long and well-documented track record of sleazy deals for black-market meat with Corporal Jones, he is Mainwaring to a tee: The ARP warden refused to call the Captain anything but Napoleon, and that’s precisely what Boris Jobsdone is: a pompous wannabe dictator just about fit to run a third rate Home Guard unit on the South Coast.

Last night at The Slog: Like it or not, Blog is short for Weblog