27 nations in the EU, but Ed only wants to talk about 1

Many of you will by now have noticed that the Leader of Her Majesty’s Opposition the Right Honourable Edward Miliband is fighting a euro-election at the moment. The trouble is, he’s fighting it tooth and nail, because he’d rather have an entirely different election about Ed Miliband’s ten promises to alleviate the UK cost of living crisis.

Clearly, the Labour Leader is so convinced of the EU’s blessings, he thinks it pointless to argue the case further…especially as the Beastly Beatitudes of Brussels Brutality enjoy such a high approval rating in our Sceptred Isle.

So he’s decided to start the 2015 UK General Election early instead.

This kind of lateral thinking could easily catch on. Once the Scottish Referendum gets properly under way, for example, I think Alex Salmond should campaign on the issue of a floating Remnimbi. And I’d be willing to bet that, come the Autumn, the US Republican Party will insist that their chosen Presidential Candidate should feature a promise to achieve regime change in Australia. With his ratings plummeting towards zero, French President Hollande will no doubt be forced to focus exclusively on his ecological opposition to Squirrel farming in Tennessee.

However, just because you don’t want to talk about the ten cleaver-wielding psychos in the pantry, there really is little or no excuse for promising an end to chores in the garden.

I think what we need here is for UKip’s press office to spin lots of Looney-Labour pc-feminist stories, and push hard to get them up there in the Right Wing media. Things like Harriet Harman demanding new Brussels legislation to make the penis illegal, or dragging Paul Boateng out of retirement to insist that Ken Livingstone be appointed President of the CBI.

Distraction is, after all, a powerful weapon.

Earlier at The Slog: Bankers don’t get the difference between calculated and incalculable risk