British relatives of those who died in the MH17 shooting down are heartbroken – heartbroken, I tell you – at the way in which Vladimir Putin heartlessly killed their loved ones….and is now making them wait for death certificates. What the families want – wait for it – is ‘closure’. I wonder if they knew what they were waiting for before some tabloid trougher told them.

Campbell Dalziel said he and his family need closure over the death of his tragic brother Cameron who was one of the 298 people killed when the Boeing 777 was shot out of the air. He said: “We need closure. I know Cameron is gone. It’s getting the death certificate. At the moment it’s a waiting game.”

So then: we know he’s gone, but without a piece of paper, we can’t get closure. Amazing.

Of course, this waiting game has been orchestrated by the Evil One, Vlad Rasputin: so evil is he, in fact, that none other than the radical eurocrat Nick ‘Napper’ Clegg has called for Russia to be punished through the medium of football. The UK deputy prime minister told the Sunday Times it was “unthinkable” that Russia should host the 2018 World Cup.

Did you know, for example, that Russian secret police have been caught raping the bodies of the dead from the MH17? Did you know that Roman Abramovich funded the entire killing operation on Putin’s behalf? Did you know that Prince Philip was only 240 miles from that tunnel in Paris when his daughter-in-law died? Did you know that Ed Miliband is questioning a £160,000 donation the Conservative Party accepted from the wife of a former Russian finance minister? Did you know that Nick Clegg has ordered a last-ditch fight back to claim credit for the UK economic revival, which consists thus far of an 0.8% growth rate….alongside a 0.3% growth in wages?

Right across the spectrum of the British press today, there was little beyond speculation, bigotry and agenda.

IABATO: It’s all bollocks, and that’s official.