With the news that the Conservative Party has allegedly redefined Winter, I thought it would be informative to note this practice across the board of Orwellian misnomer.

progressive.    The determination to deny all empirical data in a desperate search for the ultimate security blanket.

fury.    Noun used universally in the media to describe disappointment about a legal verdict.

mansion.      What you would be able to buy in Newcastle if you sold an unconverted attic in London.

coalition.   Coming together of oil and water to form suspension of democracy.

history.    What you will become if you dare to suggest that rewritten history is cobblers.

breast-feeding.    The use of floppy tits on Earth Mothers to feed the public desire for drivel.

brand.    Popular product formerly guaranteed to delivery quality, since taken over by Russell Incoherent Incorporated Enterprises, producing non-stop sky-pie delivery service.

deficit.    Somebody with challenged hearing unable to grasp the absence of real money.

Hurley.    Acting school in which silly tart evokes desire of audience to vomit.

recession. Flatlining economic slump.

recovery. Flatlining manufacturing slump hidden beneath mountain of worthless paper.

alcohol abuse. Propensity to yell at bottle of vintage Krug Champagne, “It’s all bollocks, personally I’d rather ‘ave some Asti Spumante”.

paedophile. Ageing celebrity once found attractive by hordes of groupie-slappers.

Earlier at The Slog: The strange tale of Nigel Putin and Vladimir Salmond