I have to come clean here and say that I am unable to stand up this story in full – but it’s based on two separate Athenian sources I have come to trust.

It seems that the fingernails of Antonikis Samaras are so desperately clinging to power, the New Democracy olive-stone from Kalamata now seeks a “more acceptable” Presidential name, in the hope of winning more MPs round to his way of thinking.

Greater self-love hath no man, than he sacrifice his candidate for his future.

In the meantime, Samaras has assured his Greek supporters that, were Alexis Tsipras to be elected Prime Minister, the following would inevitably – as it were – follow:

1. The Sky would hit the ground, and with it the Hellenic Icarus recovery…which, as we know, is just a few planets short of a recovery.

2. All grandmothers would be nationalised and forced to work for the Forces of Evil, to be defined.

3. Russian-based Ostrogoth hordes would descend upon Athens, and immediately kill every firstborn journalist whose sole concern is to disseminate the Universal Good of those fine Aryans who delivered the 1942-44 Strength Through Rape philosophy.

4. The End of Civilisation as we know it.

Earlier at The Slog: Does USA stand for Unpleasant Shithead Anarchy?