The importance of disability

This is Edward. He is ugly, fat and unpleasant of manner. But Edward has an excuse for this, something we must all take into account.
For Edward has a stammer.
Just like poor John with his bulimicness, and Gordon with his tragic cyclops syndromeness, Edward knows that nobody will like him unless he quietly lets out in an exclusive national Sunday newspaper interview that he has an impediment: yes, poor Edward is orally disabled.
That’s why you can see him, down Lidl of a Saturday morning, beating an old lady to a pulp in order to assert his right to the last disabled parking place.
But Edward – let’s call him Ed, it’s easier to say – has triumphed over this disadvantage, to the point where nobody has ever heard him stammer. They’ve seen him dribble and point and shout and behave like a twat. But the stammer has been conquered.
All of which would make one wonder, really, why he bothered to mention it at all…if one had only a quarter of a brain. The rest of us worked out pretty quickly that Ed wants to be Labour leader.
And that, of course, is why he mentioned it.