Charm, smarm and nonsense: Caligula finally smears himself

Mandy came on The Marr Show to defend Brown’s personality, so he was pretty much Chicken Chow Mein the multiple Kamikaze pilot from the outset. Had Gordon ever hit him? Andrew asked.

“We had our moments” said his Lordship, “but I took my medicine like a man”. And my men like a medicine.

A host of ‘dear Andrews’ and ‘as you well knows’ from Mandy evoked a blank face from Andrew Marr, who admits in private that he loathes the man. When Mandelson described Gordon’s personality as ‘intriguing’, Marr started quoting “all the on-the-record evidence about the Prime Minister’s personality”. Lord M then used the smear word….always code for ‘I’ve been found out, so I’ll bluster’.

From here on Mandy said nothing at all while lying eloquently. The January figures were ‘expected’ he said (although Darling said they weren’t). He wasn’t going to speculate about the April figures, but was happy to suggest the Tories would increase VAT to 23% (that would be illegal under EU law, as he knows perfectly well). He wasn’t going to engage in debate about what tax increases would be needed – beyond asserting that Osborne ‘will cut faster and more furiously’.

So in the end, despite saying nothing of substance and truth, Lord Mandelson gave us all a clear vision of what A Future Fairer for All will mean: a future fairer for all of them.