‘Crime is down’ say the figures. Define ‘crime’.

Crime is something that happens.

Figures are things that record crime. Figures can be falsified – and often are. Many crimes go unrecorded. Even more go unreported.

BBCNews Channel ran a crime piece tonight that asserted, “Crime is lower in the UK than it has been for thirty years”.

I wonder if there is one person in the UK with a commonsense brain who believes a word of this latest nonsense to emerge from the Ministry of Truth.

Let us take a sample of one – ie, me. I’ve spent three quarters of an hour totting up my own knowledge of crimes over the last two years when the police didn’t bother to turn up (unrecorded), or I didn’t bother to report the crime – knowing that the police wouldn’t turn up (unreported), or the crime was reported but the CPS and/or the police declined to prosecute – on account of being morally and financially bankrupt.

The total for just little old me is seven. That’s 3.5 crimes per year for me. Let’s assume that I’m magnetically prone to crime, and call it 2. There are thirty million adults in the UK. That’s sixty million crimes that didn’t go into the ONS pot – at least.

There’s no point in blaming the ONS, because it is a fiercely independent organisation that deals with the numbers it’s given – and works very hard to ensure that all curved-ball factors are taken into account. The people to blame are those who ‘compile’ the numbers.

The national press has caught seven different police authorities fiddling the numbers over the last decade. Watching Blair, Balls, Hoon, Smith, Hewitt, Johnson, Brown and Mandelson in action since 1997, does anyone seriously think that fiddling the raw data is beneath them?

They are all serial liars and casual dissemblers. Sad it may be, but in 2010 Britain, there is only one assumption upon which to proceed: do not believe anything emanating from an official source.