Over to the UN in New York jets overnight success and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. There he gave interviews condemning the statements in Mahmoud Ahmadinnejad’s speech, which must have been a tough call. Then he addressed the General Assembly to say how important it was for Britain to ‘restore’ its international reputation. All truly controversial stuff and thoroughly worthwhile.

Perhaps while there he might bump into Barack Obama, overnight success and President of the United States, a chap who just keeps on holding out the hand of piece to Iran, and they keep on spitting on it. Should they meet, they will discover much in common, and thus have a great deal to rap about.

For example, neither of them has ever had a proper job, expressed an original or surprising opinion, demonstrated any substance whatever about anything, held a ministerial post, stood up to the banks, had a pint of Banks’s, or made the slightest difference to their respective countries’ economies…..apart from being a gigantic oncost.

Further, they ‘re both wrong about all the important stuff: the EU, foreign policy, fairness, welfare, fiscal management, and how to win the next election.

But above all, they are both fantasy leaders created entirely by a desperate media set, gullible TV viewers, and tons of money. You should get into Fantasy Leaders: it’s a bit like Fantasy Football, but without the skill of the footballer (they’re all crap) or the thrill of making a good choice (they’re always crap, and they always will be). Fantasy Leaders is a game for all families everywhere who enjoy the crushing disappointment of discovering that TV ‘personalities’ do not actually have personalities in real life, as such.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall when the two men meet. But more than that, I’d love to ask Nick why the UK needs to ‘restore’ its reputation. Apart from the megalomanic foreign adventures of one Anthony Charles Lynton Blair (late of Bow Street Magistrates’ Court*) I am unaware of what lost reputation we need to restore. 

*A Charles Lynton pled guilty to lewd behaviour at Bow St in the late 1980s. All records of the case have since disappeared. Derry Irvine used to casually refer to Tony Blair as “the star nearest to Uranus”. The Slog cannot imagine what he meant.