In a shocking move totally unexpected by everyone, this afternoon Rupert Murdoch sent his naked gay son out to be devoured by a large pack of homophobic wolves in sub-zero temperatures James Murdoch confirmed he would step down as deputy assisant something or other at BSkyB, hoping thereby to protect the successful pay-TV group from being even further damaged by the phone hacking scandal that has hit the modest and humble family business formerly known as Newscorp.

“I am aware that my role as chairman could become a lightning rod for BSkyB once I am banged up for lying my stupid wombat head off because Dad told me to and I believe that my resignation will help to ensure that there is no false conflation with events at a separate organisation which isn’t really separate at all except in the mind of Jeremy Hunt,” he said, adding, “Also I hate my sister so much, it hurts”.*

Hi, Jeremy. We’re still on your case.

Meanwhile, scurrilous media smears reach the Slog’s ears, suggesting that the Leveson Enquiry is the subject of intense fear in the domicile formerly referred to as Number Ten Downing Street.

*An addendum after the style of Alistair Dumbbell, as in “I made it all up”.