Our former American colonies seem to be very keen to deport Piers Morgan (left) for all the wrong reasons, having initially imported him on the basis of equally muddled thinking. CNN having offered him Larry King’s plot, most people over here hoped the Moron would fall into it, leaving only an unmarked grave. Quite why CNN thought this man could fill any shoes beyond the Cinderella size has always eluded me and 58 million other folks, but alas, CNN thought otherwise and so, US Immigration having failed miserably to stop his Green Card, the Romping Arse took up his job.
During his time in the job, I would say that Morgan the Pirate’s main achievement has been to get some stunningly interesting people onto the show, without ever managing to extract anything interesting from them. But with his past clouds never far behind him, several senior suits at the news network voiced doubts about the wisdom of having The Man with no Brain and a Shady Past sitting in their prime-time talk show spot. PM himself made a guest appearance on The Leveson Show, but his insufferable arrogance went down with the same alacrity as a Barium Meal: and so the CNN suits become increasingly nervous. However, Paul McCartney having reneged on his promise to talk to Plod about Piers and his ESP abilities involving intimate meals at Le Caprice, Moron seemed to have eluded capture once more.
But then, as the 2nd Anniversary of CNN’s Big Mistake approached, Piers Morgan actually said something sensible: that more guns breed more vi0lence, and gun control should be much stricter. So a White House petition to deport him was immediately launched, which rapidly approached the 25,000 needed for the President to ignore it. Morgan himself tried to intervene, and since then the total has skyrocketed to 65,000. This demonstrates the power of his charisma better than anything else could.
The real danger for Piers and his truly delightful wife Celia plus new child is where exactly he’d be welcome if the deportation were to proceed. There’s always North Korea I suppose, but the idea of him crying to order when the next immortal leader dies is too preposterous to contemplate. All this said, much as I’d love to see Morgan being perp-walked onto a tramp steamer in New York harbour, the chances of it happening are tragically remote.
Mr Morgan is just another gargoyle from the media business, of which there have been many tens of thousands over the years. Newscorp has, over several decades, gradually allowed the corporate sociopathy to trickle down to the lower ranks – but until about twenty-five years ago, most of the mad people were proprietors. The interesting thing about the press in particular, though, is that in fact the newspaper business hasn’t really been a business since about 1910. Since then in the UK, it has pretty much always needed a megalomaniac with an agenda, and far more money than brain cells. Murdoch changed this in two ways: one, by having a very high IQ indeed; and second, by hiring anyone with aspirations towards realising their full psychotic potential. This is what makes both him and the infantry he employs so dangerous.
Piers enjoys the same delusions of grandeur as the Digger, but without the intelligence. Rupert gave him a job many years ago, after which his protegé moved over to the Mirror and way out of his depth. Morgan duly ran a completely false story, got fired, and then turned his attention to talent contests and talk shows. He remains one of the enormous football crowd of hacks who haven’t had their collars felt by the ‘police’. Plod has been ‘making enquiries’ about Hackgate now for nearly ten years, and so far only found enough evidence to charge two people with the crimes of justice perversion and privacy invasion, both of which have been go-go sectors among the Fourth Estate since around 1998.