At the End of the Day

Let us now praise infamous men

Read this and weep….from Bloomberg’s site earlier today:

‘Standard & Poor’s is set to take its first stab at fending off the U.S. Justice Department’s allegations that the company’s mortgage-backed securities ratings were fraudulent….S&P can’t support its request to dismiss the case by supplying evidence to contradict the allegations, John Hueston, a former federal prosecutor now at Irell & Manella LLP in Los Angeles, said in a phone interview. Hueston added: “It can only argue that the Justice Department will never be able to prove its civil fraud claims even if all the facts alleged in the complaint are true”.

Isn’t that reassuring, eh? “We are as guilty as mortal sin, but you can’t prove it, so even if the entire sorry yarn is true, we’re going to deny it and yah-boo sucks”.

In other news, Boris Johnson – the world’s greatest known apologist for sh*theads everywhere – wrote in the Telegraph today of the camel-adoring Qataris, ‘The skyline in Doha has been forested with vast skyscrapers, each of them striking and often beautiful…The Qataris are wearing M&S underwear beneath their kanduras. They are eating in Gordon Ramsay’s restaurants. They are driving Land Rovers and phoning with Vodafone – and last year the UK exported goods worth a record £1.3 billion to Qatar alone…I came away from a week of talking to hundreds of businessmen and political leaders in the Middle East, and I am more convinced than ever that the world has changed profoundly since 2008, and that the pace of change is accelerating.’

One day, we must build a theme-park called Borisland. In Borisland, there will be a Bob Diamond Libor Ride on which the passengers are tossed up and down unpredictably; a Rupert Murdoch Newscorp Phonehack Safari Park in which every animal under The Sun is recording every visitor’s most intimate moments; a Darius Guppy Gangster Fraud-Fun Palace where you too can be beaten up on BoJo’s orders; and a Qatari World Cup Classic where everyone competes to come up with the final, irresistible Blatter Bribe.

Later, happy revellers can repair to the Standard & Poor’s Hospitality Tent, where a no-limits game of Fraud can be enjoyed by all those dedicated to the purchase of Sovereign respectability.

Excuse my Latin here, but Boris really is a see you next Tuesday, is he not?