It’s hard to deny that Luis Suarez has the teeth for the biting thing. After he bit a player recently and suffered a long playing ban, Bayern Munich are expressing tremendous interest in him. He can clearly draw blood, and the rest of you must draw your own conclusions.

A bloke who called various Welsh persons “a bunch of sheep s******s”, defended himself by saying he was referring to country life in general. His surname is Taaffe. (In 2011, postman Darren Swain was convicted of racism after he called Scottish tennis player a “useless Jock”.)

Former chief whip Andrew Mitchell’s bicycle, which was at the centre of the ‘plebgate’ row, is now for sale on eBay and looking for a new home “out of the limelight”. Obviously, a good way to stay out of the limelight is to release the fact that you are a famous bike for sale.

Palestinian schoolboys are learning how to fire Kalashnikovs, throw grenades and plant improvised explosive devices as part of a programme run by Hamas’s education ministry.

Prime Minister David Cameron has denied being a Thatcherite just days after declaring, “we’re all Thatcherites now”. “We’re all Thatcherites except me”?

At tonight’s Olivier Awards at the Royal Opera House, Helen Mirren and Billie Piper are up for best actress.

A scientific study entitled ‘Are Horses Lazy?’ has found strong evidence which indicates the answer is ‘yes’ – or at least that they have little appetite for such research. I am obviously a horse after all.

Britain’s Got Talent judge Alesha Dixon believes singing sensation Susan Boyle was a “one-off”. Amazing insight shocker.

Greek oil refiner Hellenic Petroleum is seeing strong demand for its first international debt sale, a sign that investors are returning to Greece as they continue to seek higher-yielding investments.

Call me old-fashioned, but every one of the above news items strikes me as prima facie evidence that the world becomes madder with every week.