I was communication with a Twitter person the other day, who used the following keyboard emoticon: O. Anyone know what it means? I don’t, although I do know most of them.

I suggested to this person that emoticonology could be invented as a subject, not unlike the feature Mornington Crescent in I’m sorry I haven’t a Clue. For those not familiar with this British Radio 4 programme, Mornington Crescent is a pointless game about the London tube system, where there are no rules at all, but the panellists pretend there are. Trust me, you have to be there: it is very funny.

My first crack at emoticonology was this: (O – ( which means, ‘If the cap fits, wear it’. My Twitter correspondent promised to sparkle in reply, but hasn’t. So I thought I’d launch the idea here. The only rule is that the hieroglyphics must express the emotion, or add up to a common phrase, for example the ubiquitous LOL – which our hip-hop on the pulse call-me-Dave Prime Minister thought meant Lots of Love, but actually means Laugh Out Loud.

: – | 0O  (he’s) full of shit.

ZZZO Asleep at the wheel

( < : – ) Hat tip/take my hat off to you

>> ;; – ) Nudge nudge, wink wink

; – | ) Bit of a spiv

] ) I fancy a pizza

and so on and so on. All entries considered in a vaguely serious manner.