Merkel’s election bullsh*t revealed: it was a bear-faced pack of lies

bearGrizzly truth about Europe breaks free

The symbol-cum-mascot for Berlin is a bear…..und Mein Gott, the bad news bears are now working overtime to cram in all the evidence of disaster held back behind the dam until Fraud Oktor Merkel was back in command of the Bunker.

Deustche Bank’s share value dived off a cliff after 1.30 pm CET this afternoon, from €49 to 45.60 at the close. This followed a major revenue warning earlier, a warning that didn’t come at any point at all between September 5th and September 22nd. Wissen-Sie, how is ziss happenink? All voss Quiet on ze Western Front and then Achtung – Donner und Blitzen! – all Hell is loose gebreaking.

Barry the Black Dude (having bet the farm on Germany some time ago) did his best to provide the same “Don’t mention the Scheise” media blackout, although towards the end there Mr Bernanke let a few feral cats out of the carpet-bag. But since Tuesday am this week, the sluice gates have been set at Full Open All….what with Draghi’s LTRO and Monte del Paschei followed by Deutsche Bank’s Üntergang, and now private pension funds being raided by the government in Poland.

The Polish Government today announced that it will transfer to the state many of the assets held by private pension funds, slashing public debt but putting in doubt the future of the multi-billion-euro funds, many of them foreign-owned. No doubt the news was kept back until Geli’s personal plebiscite was done and dusted – perhaps under threat that what Germany did in 1939, it could always do again in 2013.

But fear not – World Champion Brussels ping-pong artist Antoniki Sampras insists that the Greek economy is about to explode into growth, Mariano Rajoy thinks chariots of gold will descend from the skies to fill Spanish Cajas, and Silvio Brylcreemoni foresees a bunga-bunga boom to rescue Italy from the jaws of bankruptcy. In fact, he has inadvertently given away the title of next year’s Italian Eurovision Song Contest entry, “Boom-bunga-bung-bong-bong”. In a Slog exclusive, I can now reveal the much-sought-after chorus lyrics to be as follows:

My fart goes Boom-bunga-bung-bong-bong right in your ear/ Boom-bunga-bung-bong-bong the smell of diarrhea

Boom-bunga-bung-bong-bong we’re all in the poo/ We don’t care a God-damn sh*t for you

Earlier at The Slog: Why perplexing us with complexity is entirely deliberate