Here’s a cracker to start off with: the EU is thinking of investigating misuse of funds by Nigel Farage and UKip. Nige says he would welcome such a process (perhaps he would, too) but the laughable thing for me is the idea of an organisation – so crooked and mired in corruption, its accounts have never been signed off by any auditor anywhere – investigating the financial probity of another person or organisation. The equivalent, I suppose, of Tim Yeo leading an investigation into the affairs of the South Suffolk Conservative Association.

Very much the same applies when one is faced with Con Coughlin headlining his Telegraph column today, ‘How can we negotiate with a pathological liar like Vladimir Putin?’ I’m afraid when it comes to the outpourings of Con, the clue’s in the name.

So let’s go for three in a row and a bonus point: Chris Grayling says he is ready to go to Court to stop EU Human Rights legislation from being enshrined in UK law. Now I am no supporter of the EUCHR, but if ever there was a man with a consistent track record of trying to curtail rights, then it’s old fishbrain at the Ministry of Justice. This is the man (lest we forget) who tried to slip a law giving every Alistair, Jimmie and McAlpine the right to sue anyone about anything cost-free.

Anyway, you pays your money and you takes your pick: will you side with the illegally constituted EU or a guffawing pub bore? A cold warrior stuck in 1956, or another cold warrior stuck in 1985? An institution that always sides with the dangerous minority on human rights, or another that always sides with the rich minority on social and legal rights?

Life is about choices, and that’s what makes our democracy so special. Don’t you think?

Last night at The Slog: One law for the vulnerable mob, another for the powerful elite