What England (and the UK) need at the moment is a compendium chirpy-cheerful escapist song to help them face a black future. The Slog suggests a lashed-together format that might do the trick. All it needs now is a a good melodist, a sensitive arrangement, and Al Bowlly to sing it…

When you’re smiling the world will be smiling with you –

and singing in rain can make you happy too

‘cos each drop of rain contains pennies from Heaven

and dollops of white double cream up from Devon.

So just let it rain kids for surely you know –

that rain will quite quickly turn into deep snow,

that brings a white Christmas at which we will fly

o’er white cliffs of Dover with bluebirds on high

thence over the rainbow to yellow brick road

where solid gold watches are ours to unload…

until we are swinging once more on a star

on top of the world in a three-mile long bar

on the warm sunny side of our Threadneedle Street

where we’ve alI got plenty o’ nuthin’ to eat.

Let’s rule out the negative, put out more flags

feature the good news, apply for more gags

to keep us all happy, to think it’s a breeze

for everyone here to be standing at ease:

the moon is just paper, and clouds candy floss

the sun’s got his hat on, we’ll gather no moss

and Mr Blue Sky offers endless enjoyment

along with free beer and no more unemployment.

Young Noddy’s in Toyland, he’s married Bo Peep

now let’s put the light out

and go back to sleep.

Earlier at The Slog: When it comes to British justice, it’s a square wheel