UKIPOLA KILLS 2 IN UK: PM vows to eradicate ‘this appalling virus’

CamtonaCameldung (left) greets Qatar Emissary Sherik Antona

The Prime Minister Mr El Avid Cameldung commented tonight on the sad Ukipola outbreak currently decimating Britain’s ruling (and now openly Thatchist) Party:

“It is with great sadness that I must report the tragic deaths of Messrs Douglas Carcrash and Marcus Aurelias Feclus from the appalling UKipola virus which, I can now confirm, has been let loose by the Forces of Jihadist Darkness in Westminster during the last few weeks.

I can only reiterate those fine words of Dr Who, when he said “The future is no guide to the past” and I am sure that once this little blip is over with, we can resume our journey back to 1741 and thus demonstrate that our long-term economic plan is working”.

Speaking from his consulting rooms atop the Long Lister Toffs Clinic in Petty France, BBC political epidemiologist Mr Rick Nobinbum warned that “although Ukipola cannot be spread by ballot box contact, it is extremely easy to contract the virus if you are a complete shit fond of taking the piss. We suspect that this is the reason for its devastating effect thus far on Parties like the Concertedthieves.”

nigejihadMeanwhile, the hunt continues to tie down the evil terrorist behind UKipola, Faisal Naraj (shown left with supporters). A leading member of the Pub’boor dynasty and Jihatchist who issues daily tweets threatening to behead the more moderate Concertedthieves schism leader El Avid Cameldung, Naraj has confounded critics who said as late as last winter that UKipola was “a spent force being run by spudbrained horse”. Naraj has on several occasions refuted suggestions that one can tell his age by looking closely at his teeth. He is in fact 91.

Confirming the terrifying strength of UKipola, Home Secretary Cosima Strawclone warned “We now have very clear intelligence, and this is a great advance from the days when we were all unutterably dense old ratbags with blue rinse hairdos demanding that all muggers be stoned to death”.

More seriously today from The Slog: New data on the spin-tailors of Savile Row