The endlessly polite US Ambassador to Britain Donald McIntyre says that “the UK would be better off in the EU, but hey, in the end it’s all entirely up to you folks”  If I can just provide a visual reference to what Don was saying right there…

….then this is sort of the picture he was trying to portray.

On the other hand, if I were to look at the reality of the EU, I’d probably go:

And the same might be said of UKip sexual harassment accuser Natasha Bolter, who – it now transpires – did not attend Wadham College Oxford at all. So whereas Ms Bolter aspired to the education of dreaming spires, it seems that her lover’s perspiring dreams are somewhat closer to the truth.

Well I never. What on Earth will emerge from the bowels of Kipperland next? Stay tuned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that Christmas – in the face of pc banality – is rapidly morphing into a meaningless melange of oil-and-water religions, I suppose we should enter into the spirit of things and accept cultural confusion as the norm.

A good start might be ‘Ma sha’ Allah Christmas’, the translation of which is ‘Whatever – it’s Christmas’.

But there is also the business of mistletoe, which the early British Christians used to drag in the Druids to their belief system. It is these days associated with snogging, but whether you get one or not is a matter of mazel tov – the Jewish phrase meaning ‘good luck’. So perhaps we should all be kissing under the mazel tov.

And on the same basis, I suspect we should all go to Midnight Mass and sing Oiveh Maria.

We mustn’t however forget our Hindi Brits who – let’s face it – cause less trouble than most, and are wont to say “Mein theek hoon, shukriya!” This means “I’m fine, thanks!” and so would be the perfect mullticultural replacement for “Merry”. I have to say, I quite like the sound of “Mein theek hoon Christmas!” There’s a certain innate tolerance in there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But finally, I bring you the news that Nick Clegg has had thirty lovers. There’s hope for us all if a tedious pillock like him can achieve such a batting average, but let us remember that he is 47 years old. That works out – given sexual maturity at age 12 – at rather less than one shag a year.

Somehow, when put in that light, it all begins to make much more sense.

Earlier at The Slog: Why is all well that is unlikely to end well?