John Ward May 2, 2015 EXCLUSIVE: NEW ROYAL BABY GIVES WHOLEHEARTED SUPPORT TO CONSERVATIVES

EXCLUSIVE: NEW ROYAL BABY GIVES WHOLEHEARTED SUPPORT TO CONSERVATIVES

Anonymous Windsor Babe in moving plea for Nation to halt socialist hordes

In an amazing political coup that has dwarfed Ed Miliband’s crossed-swords session with Russell Brand, David Cameron has an exclusive 27-page interview in tomorrow’s Daily Torynaff with the new Royal baby.

The Prime Minister remains tight-lipped about the content of the interview, but 27 spin doctors and 14 fibwives confirmed to The Slog tonight that Number Four in the Throne Queue, HRH Unknown Windsor, would definitely be voting Conservative next week.

“This feature will crush the doubters forever and bring you all tons of dosh by Christmas,” commented Conservative Party Chairman Lord Grant Sidney Ethel Green-Shapps of Economic Recovery, inventor of the Hardon Collider.

Similarly, the Daily Wail will have a special New Baby supplement containing 10 things you never knew about the Prime Minister’s unique powers when talking to new-born females.

“The modern Conservative Party is moving beyond the stained past of kissing babies,” commented Home Secretary Theresa May, “David Cameron is leading the way by revealing this new proof that his long term egocentric plan is working.”

The confinement of Queen Catherine of Middleton in waiting led to unconfined joy when the birth was announced, and an entirely coincidental launch by Middleton Celebrations (2015) Ltd of its new even more tasteful Windsor Birth Range.

Guardian article suggesting Unknown Windsor cannot vote for 18 years slammed by CBI as “talking Britain down” – see page 614, column 12, under ‘Births’.

12Comments

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1

Tony on May 3, 2015 at 8:08 pm

My three year old grandson asked his mother if the new princess baby would be called Peppa?
Oh I don’t think so says mum,why would you think that?
Well her prince brother is called George.
I’m tempted to think he can see into the future and realised that they will have their noses in the trough.

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2

captain custard on May 3, 2015 at 5:57 pm

barf

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3

captain custard on May 3, 2015 at 5:55 pm

please dont shout ray

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4

candidate4tumbleweed on May 3, 2015 at 8:35 am

Isn’t that baby George? I distinctly remember the two fingers being raised to the cheering masses…

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5

Anon on May 3, 2015 at 5:23 am

You don’t vote for Royalty – you’d be mad to do so – especially if they have consanguinity with that German George III.

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6

ItsAlreadyTooLate on May 3, 2015 at 4:30 am

Yes you are not safe from a hospital virus, even in the private wing.

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7

frankS on May 2, 2015 at 11:59 pm

Oh, it’s not all going CMD’s way – according to a headline I saw earlier. “Kate goes into Labour”.

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8

groundedkiwi on May 2, 2015 at 10:02 pm

Perhaps they will find an appropiate Scots name for the wee lass. Anything to save the Kingdom.

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9

Lizzie Cornish on May 2, 2015 at 8:47 pm

I love new babies. I think Kate did amazingly well to go home just a few hours later….probably to avoid getting some deadly hospital virus, of course, but well done to her for being able to look so elegant *and* walk out in high heels (!!) just a few hours later, let alone get down those steps. I think Wills should have carried the two of them down, personally, True Prince-style..She’s a beautiful little babbie, for sure, just wish Diana had lived long enough to see her grandchildren as she’d have loved them so much. Doesn’t seem 5 minutes since Wills was born, does it? Life goes so fast….and new babbies are just a miracle…look at her tiny fingers…Feeling broody, even though I is 60 now..never lost that broody feeling…(there’s a song there somewhere, ……and cue The Righteous Brothers!) :0)

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10

Ray on May 2, 2015 at 8:43 pm

For gods sake leave the ROYAL baby out of it, the Tory’s will do Anything to wrack our country, Believe me I’ve never seen the Tories lie so much, David Cameron is a utter disappointment and he will DO ANYTHING TO STAY IN HIS PLUSH JOB, I HATE WHAT HE’S DOING TO THE POOR AND DISABLED BRITISH PEOPLE, HE’S RESPONSIBLE FOR 1600 DISABLED DEATHS AND MILLIONS HATE HIM FOR IT. MAGGIE THATCHER HAD A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPARISON ( Many would disagree with me on that!) If the Tories get back in No 10 on 7th May then there’s going to be a Blood bath of suicides and the British Tory voters will be to blame, you will have been the ones that caused the blood to spill, THE BANKERS WERE TO BLAME FOR THE FINANCIAL TROUBLES AND NOT THE POOR AND DISABLED PEOPLE. YOU COULD BE DISABLED YOURSELVES ONE DAY, JUST THINK HOW YOU COULD BE AFFECTED. VOTE WITH YOUR HEART AND NOT WITH SPITE. GOD BLESS EVERY BRITISH PERSON AND PLEASE VOTE WITH YOUR HEART.

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11

william on May 2, 2015 at 7:59 pm

OK, the house of Windsor is taking advantage of child benefit, before the wicked Tories abolish it, but the real story is the panic in Labour ranks, caused by postal voting inspired by John Major’s reappearance, and Garry hiding away in his Special Branch protected bungalow, which is surrounded by hordes of screaming Scots, from the SNastyP, demanding a 100 percent increase in incapacity benefit.

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12

Ericle on May 2, 2015 at 7:23 pm

We are amused.

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