Designed in a newly constructed factory in Stuttgart using Turkish robot androids, the new 6-reverse-gears  Backout launches today, and will cater for all Greek visitors. Uniquely, it promises free travel for all German, Dutch, Belgian and Greek élite carpetbaggers, plus 100% fuel economy for accredited Troikanauts and that’s a promise: yes, thanks to the advanced bloodsuck feature developed in Cyprus, absolutely no fuel will be wasted on the Greek economy – paving the way for a new era in Transnational High-Efficiency Fukyoo Transactions or THEFT.

  • All tyres fully guaranteed against scorched-earth damage
  • Tinted windows to ensure that every privatisation remains completely private
  • Enlarged boot space allowing maximum out-of-sight infrastructural storage
  • Fitted with fully operational Verhofstat Guydance system to pinpoint free money outlets
  • ABS++ control for navigating deep slush-funds.

Inspired by this reality:

‘The 29-page MoU document requires wide-ranging and specific reforms to be implemented according to a precise timetable….actions include pension, tax and healthcare reforms, a strategy to address the issue of non-performing loans, reform of the gas market, and implementation of an already-agreed privatisation programme….The Greek government will be required to implement reforms with deadlines almost every month until autumn next year, under close control by its creditors – the EU, the European Central Bank (ECB), and the International Monetary Fund (IMF)….no unilateral fiscal or other policy actions will be taken by the Greek authorities which would undermine the liquidity, solvency, or future viability of the banks…All measures, legislative or otherwise, taken during the programme period, which may have an impact on banks’ operations, solvency, liquidity, asset quality etc. should be taken in close consultation with the EC/ECB/IMF….measures will include further pension reforms, tax reforms to increase revenue, as well as the extension, until 2018, of a special contribution from Greece’s shipping sector, and the reduction of military spending by €100 million in 2015 and €400 million in 2016….’

So then: available gas secured for NATO, remaining citizen welfare further diluted (despite having been exacerbated by the EU austerity demands), a privatisation splurge for the crooks, and complete control of Greek fiscal, banking and defence policy by the Eurogroup, the ECB and the IMF…all unelected and interested only in the desires of the markets and the banks.

Especially nasty (but typical German Schadenfreude) is the reduction in military expenditure now that Berlin’s arms dealers have eaten their fill. “About those submarines, Frau Mirakle…one never arrived and the other one doesn’t work. Any chance of our money back?”

A corporacratic coup d’état, pure and simple, all mapped out with a Wehrmacht level of alles klar und in Ordnung.

Please everybody – somebody, anybody – is there nothing that will get you off your arse and oppose this? Ukip and the Labour/Tory OUT campaign – whatTF are you playing at? Is there a call-centre yet? An advertising campaign? A slogan even?

You make me thoroughly ashamed to be British.